Short And Restless Poem by Andrus Cassian

What am I doing wrong
Am I not right in my pursuits
They say honesty is the best policy
be honest, have full transparency yet as honest I can be
here, I lie in the dark
fighting off the demons in my dreams
wishing for peaceful sleep
though all I receive is notification that I'm not wanted
dead or alive
Am I possessed
Obviously not but it's a question I dare to ask
my dreams take me to task
filling up my nights with relentless scares
small tears of the skin not there before
while my heart beats out of my chest
Please, just let me rest
All I ask for is success yet I'm on the precipice of silence
no sign of progress
I'm growing desperate but I'm not a beggar
nor will I forsake my pride to bow on my knees
for an opportunity to reach me
I must create my own...somehow but all is lost to me
My profession is screwing up, messing up
a good for nothing who wants to be good at something
yet nothing comes my way
It's been like this for a month and two days…
Why is it this way