Smile So Wide [rev] Poem by Margaret Alice Second

Why do they add keratin, found in hair, nails & teeth
to shampoo and conditioner - but not to toothpaste?
If keratin strengthens hair, surely it'd nourish teeth -
after dutifully massaging conditioner in my wet hair
& not rinsing thoroughly, why get rid of a good thing,
I put some on my teeth - it didn't taste bad & there's
no warning of toxic content in the small print

If I'm alive tomorrow, not dying through the course of
a night after imbibing those strange ingredients in that
eldritch list, I shall have stronger teeth and spread my
discovery all over the Internet - just like those sneaky
advertisements: A woman looking 30 years younger,
doctors angry and the world astounded, just buy two
creams at an exorbitant price, you're worth it, isn't it?

Who falls for this kind of cheap innuendo, like the so-
called free astrological reading offered by an idiot with
pseudonym "Adrian" who received my false birth date
and had his minions send me innumerable messages
exhorting me to PAY Adrian to carry on his misleading
claptrap promising he'll direct my life, what a useless
way to spend one's day; I'd rather read more silly

Satires of the spy genre such as Sayer's "The Spy and
the Diabolical Plot" for children - than waste time with
these charlatans - the absurdity in the Adrian project
and this kids' spoof of the Secret Service is the same;
as for my keratin-project, if it works and I survive long
enough, I shall smile so wide the sun's glare reflected
from dazzling white teeth will blind everybody around!