Sunshine Poem by Anita Sharma

Sunshine



It's amazing
How a beautiful sunshine
Makes everything seem like it belongs.

Thursday, September 17, 2015
Topic(s) of this poem: nature
POET'S NOTES ABOUT THE POEM
sunshine is life
COMMENTS OF THE POEM
Fabrizio Frosini 17 September 2015

sunshine's life, but - sorry to say - your write is not a haiku, Anita.. it hasn't got the features of the 'classic' Japanese form, neither that of a 'modern' (Japanese or not) haiku: - - the basic structure (no more than 5-7-5 'on') is not present here: your last line is too long.. - - a kigo is missed (but it's not the real point ***) - - and it doesn't answer the 1st request to be called 'haiku': a contraposition between 2 images of the world/nature/environment, with a 'oh! ' - a subtle wonder, before the beauty/mystery of nature - with a kireji to separate the two different 'ideas' / images.. (a simple dash, ''-'', can be used as a kireji) (*** also a tiny minority of Japanese classical haiku don't express a kigo) Cheers

2 0 Reply
Anita Sharma 21 September 2015

yes sir i got your point..than you so much you took time to give me feedback..i have lot to learn from experience people like you and others. many thanks, ..your feedback is much valuable and welcomed..

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