That Little Girl Poem by Desiree Whitamore

screaming into my pillow
is my own meditation
and loving the way you smile
is my own dose of medication

and because i can't sit still
i have to be in a constant swirl
as it all crashes around me
im still stuck as that little girl

that girl who fell in love
with the idea of fixing herself
and never needed that damn pressure
of having to ask for help.

that bizzare little girl
who introvertedly lived
with no care as to where
she was either going or went

and now as im grown up
i still can't believe im the same
because when i look back
i see how little has changed

and thats freaking crazy.
because i'm just so different
except that one little part
of loving that takes commitment

because everytime i start to smile
i stop and begin to frown
i don't want to ever trust you
in case you let me down

but i remember being eight
and having to wear this mask
and it wasn't supposed to be
quite that matter of fact

i never asked for their arms
to snake around my shoulder
and i never asked for anything
except to just get older