The Dilatory Terrorist Poem by David Keig

'I want a curry in a hurry'
Said the man in the big car
'I think I’m going to Glasgow
Can you tell me is it far?
I forgot my AA route map
And brought the Koran instead
It’s a hard life being a terrorist
But I’ll be worshipped when I’m dead'
‘Ahah’ said the young waiter
‘Are you really one of them,
Who give their life up for the cause
Where will you strike and when? ’
With his nan and his samosas
He just smiled a knowing way
‘Ah ‘God is great and bountiful
Now I must be on my way’
‘But we have some tempting specials’
Said the young and waiting man
‘Well maybe I’ll be tempted’
And he ordered two and not just one
The route to Glasgow was explained
He now knew all the roads
And then he went to drive to there
With his incendiary load
He went outside the restaurant
He stood in shock and quaked in fear
The big car he’d arrived with in
Was no longer there - or even near
‘The bloody things been stolen’
He screamed up at the sky
‘Now what on earth do I do’
‘Oh why oh why oh why’
‘Who can you trust these godless days’
He wailed as if possessed
‘I will not be a martyr now’
He was in serious distress
The young waiter was upset for him
Than had a sudden thought
‘Tell me, sir, that car of yours
Was it rented, leased or bought? ’
'I bought it outright with some cash’
Not rented nor on lease’
‘Then, sir, let me suggest to you
You speak to the police.’