The Handy Man [not] Poem by alan brown

Now I thought I was a handy man
as I could do all of the jobs
Like fixing bolts on my back door
or painting the white blobs.

I took a driver and a screw
and fixed it in the wall.
But when my wife
found out what I'd done.
She didn't want it there at all.

I decorated the ceiling
with what I thought was in
But my wife didn't like it
And put it all in the bin.

She asked me to fit a shelf
I thought I did it right
But when I went to sleep in bed
I woke up with a fright.

The dog was sitting howling
as the cat hung from the shelf
I must have only used one screw
as the advert said it fitted itself.

My wife she came in screaming
As I came in from the porch.
Id only lit the barbecue
Instead of my bright torch.

The house it was on fire
But you couldn't blame me for that
As I'd only been a moment
Before I went back.

So the moral of this story
the moral of this poem
Is just that one should never do
what one can't do at home