The Oxymoron Of My Life... Poem by Dr. Baishali Bhaumik Mitra

Each time failure, like venom, fetters me firmly to the ground
I tend to fly to reach the sky and
grab the moon searching for nectar.
I conquer the battle of life with a superior detachment
yet I connect and attach to every single emotion and
accept defeat in my every day struggle!
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Deafening, ear splitting whispers of my past
Create a celestial hell of memories
And I live to die.
Yet promises of future lure me towards a horizon
Where reality and dreams meet
And I die to live!
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I stand in a chaos of a market place
And think of his twinkling mischievous eyes
those create a soothing gentle silence around my heart.
Then, I am among the serene magnificent
stillness of the mountains
and perceive his vibrating resonant caressing voice
that creates a pandemonium in my senses.
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I search for love and happiness
among the nook and corner of my
plush spacious apartment in vain
but find all those long - searched - for warmth
in that small room with meagre ambience
where the walls create my sky,
the floors are my divine space and the
windows would fetch in sprinkling happiness!
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So – called friends would vouch for such pure love
and I would observe, turning away in disgust,
their roving ugly eyes searching for my bareness
underneath all the layers of clothes.
But I would be caught in the magic of those tranquil eyes
and rush to clothe his body with my nudity in burning fire!
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I travel a full circle to mark an end to my journey
And suddenly a promising pair of eyes
Make me prepared for a new beginning!
That groovy dimpled smile make me yearn for a new future
with lots of promise and hope for a fresh birth.
Yet often in the night among the pitch dark silence
the bottle of sleeping pills on my shelf start a serpent dance
luring me, enticing me,
towards a peaceful permanent end!