The Pain Remains Poem by Victoria Gauci

I have so many things going on in my head,
Most of them just want to keep me in bed,
I put my feet to the cold morning floor,
And drag myself through the bedroom door,

I look at my face in the mirrored glass,
Wanting these feelings to finally pass,
To breathe is an effort, I've no strength,
I continue to fight it at great length,

Dark and forboding each day when I wake,
Emotions crawl inside me like a slithering snake,
All of my life I've tried to heal these wounds,
But still inside me they continue to loom,

Dysfunction brings with it some unwelcome things,
That make you step back and watch from the wings,
Hiding oneself from the effects of pain,
Then trying to put the pieces together again,

I tell myself today will be a better day,
Coffee, meds, breakfast, I get underway,
It helps more if I can find my inner smile,
Often most days that takes a while,

What I'm really feeling I keep buried inside,
My pain and anquish I repeatedly hide,
To say it outloud would be so hard to hear,
I'm falling apart and I'm full of fear,

I try to stay positve, put on a happy face,
I wish life was a chalk board so I could erase,
All of the past and the present that scares me,
Nothing so far has helped to prepare me,

The loss of my family and the life that I had,
Is a constant force that keeps me sad,
I'm over the marriage, I accept that failure,
There was no solution, there was no cure,

The home I created for my children and I,
Was my greatest accomplishment and my pride,
I cooked, I cleaned, I gave all that I could,
But in the end I was misunderstood,

It haunts me each night when I try to sleep,
My heart is broken so I take time to weep,
There's nothing I can do to make it go away,
I give it to God in my prayers that I say,

I miss my son, my first born child,
I haven't seen him in quite a long while,
He chooses to keep himself hidden from me,
A visit with him would set my heart free.