The Privatisation Of Air Poem by Paul Lester

As the Managing Director I take care
Of the newly privatised realm of air.
Though my salary is, some might deem,
Just a little on the far side of extreme,
I deserve my cars, my yachts and my plane
And my sea-side villa in the south of Spain.
With profits I've made from the cut-price share
They call me the 'Air-Tight Millionaire'.

But I assure you I won't have an hour to spare
From beathing in all of that privatised air -
I'll be taking it in but letting lots of it out,
Especially when I've occasion to shout
At the lazy and shiftless employees who
Suspect I've got nothing better to do -
Such people will need to be made aware
How many have died from a shortage of air.

All compulsory subscribers must be clear,
Germ-free, pollution-free air comes dear -
So breathe it in deep but cough it up soon
And give thanks the earth's not yet the moon.
As to bill-defaulters, they'll need to beware,
We'll promptly (yet humanely) disconnect their air
So the rest of us can breathe with greater ease
Since there'll be more air for us, should we please.

They said it was impossible to walk on air:
But I do it! It's a miracle! And I'm everywhere!
And it's all part of my job, because I take care
Of the newly privatised realm of air.