Treasure Island

Brad Combs

(8/8/89 / Wheatridge, Co)

The Web of Lost

This web of spiraling emotion
Weaving in and out of control
Lost in this universe
No one cares
No one listens
The pleas i send
Unheard by the listners
No one cares, No one Responds
I am lost, no mater where i go
I am Lost
No hope of return, No good memory to embrace
No thoughts, No cares
I think i will cry
No fairness, No good will
only the feeling of being lost

Submitted: Wednesday, January 09, 2008
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  • Greenwolfe 1962 (6/6/2008 6:34:00 PM)

    You used the word lost in the title of your poem. Since there was no real rhyme
    or rhythm to the poem, the use of the word lost becomes more important. This
    is because you want the meaning of your poem to echo in the readers mind.
    I counted only four uses of the word in the body of the poem. Further, there
    was no emphasis focused at the begimnning and end. To the extent it was used.
    I was used inconsistently. These are the structural problems which hindered
    this poem. It is a poem of worth, however, and I expect you will make more
    of this poem in the future.

    GW62 (Report) Reply

  • Mary Gordley (1/9/2008 2:46:00 PM)

    Good job of portraying a feeling of the moment. You are yet young, and no doubt you will find yourself and having done so will be found by others as well. (Report) Reply

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