The Younger You Are, The More Of An Idiot You Seem To Be. Poem by Mordrid Harpoon

Since the dawn of time,
There have been idiots in the world,
From hedgehogs who, instead of running away, into a ball they are curled.
To the lemmings who throw themselves off cliffs,
To couples who have lovers’ tiffs.

Yet manage we do,
To remain slightly sane,
But there is always one,
(normally the most uptight)
Who can’t.
You know it’s true.

More than once,
I’ve been close to breakdown.
I’ve tried painting,
I’ve tried boxing,
I’ve tried stress balling.

They didn’t work.

I feel I’m getting worse.
My friends used to call me vicious.
That didn’t matter.
They were just messing.
When my PE teacher called me vicious,
I got worried.

I’m pretty sure I’m becoming an idiot.
I feel just like a suicidal lemming.
My IQ may be getting higher,
But that’s because I’ve done the IQ test at least 5 times.
I’m also a compulsive liar.
I have no plans for the future,
And if I don’t choose a path soon,
I’m screwed.
Like a suicidal lemming.

‘Cept lemmings aren’t like human teenagers.
Lemmings are just small and suicidal.
Okay, they’re a bit like teenagers.
But who would a lemming have as an idol?
Kurt Cobain?
Or perhaps for him they have disdain,
‘Cause from jumping off a cliff he did refrain.

Apart from being a lemming,
I have other teen problems too,
For example I only get a fiver a week,
For doing a load of poo.
I mean, if teens don’t want to work,
Why pay them?

Pocket money means like 2p,
Not 3,000p.
Like some that I know,
Who spend it on drink and dope.

Teenagers today go into town,
Get drunk a little,
Get stoned a little,
Throw up a little,
Come home smelling of drink, dope and sick a little,
And their parents let them do it again.
A lot.

When I was wee.
I had no money.
Well I did
But that was only 50p.
When I was wee,
And had no money,
I was very very,
Happy.

21: 11 29/03/2006

(By the way I'm 15)