Carmen Roebuck (Melbourne)
Thoughts of Insanity...
I go through this life constantly feeling empty.
I try and tell myself, 'today is the day,
The day that ill pull through...'
But it never is...
For a speck of a moment in time I will soar,
High up to the heavans and float like an angel,
As light as a feather.
I feel whole
Even though i have nothing inside.
But everytime in this speck of a moment my wings get clipped,
And i crash hard
Deeper then earth
And darker then hell...
I am screaming on the inside,
Asking 'Why? ! '
'Why dont you love me today? ! '
'Why wont you let me soar? ! '
But not the faintest sound is made to answere my questions...
Voices surrounds me as i lean my head deep down into the bowl,
The pit of dispair...
Once you go in you can never return...
But these voices can not see me,
But these voices know
I can read there thoughts
They think i am just troubled,
Maybe I am?
But they do not know that i am actually,
I am a dreamer and I am a lier,
I am a hoper and I am a deciever.
I am beautiful but I am hideous,
I am happy but I want to die.
I am lonely but I have many friends...
I am addicted and it controlls me...
I am addicted to Perfection...
And I am someone i do not recognise anymore...
I try and leave you
But you will never loosen your grip.
I try and deceive you but you can see through my lies.
My life revolves around you,
Are you satisfied! ! ?
I love you, I really do
But i am weak
And can not play along with your games any longer...
I do not want to be insane any more!
But its easier said then done...
You have me...
Comments about this poem (Thoughts of Insanity... by Carmen Roebuck )
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