Times Poem by susan brealey

Theres been times when I feel happy
and others I feel so low, I don't know why
times where Im on top of the world
and other times where I just want to die.
Theres been times when I love my family
and other times I don't want them there
times where I'd do anything for them,
others times, where I just don't wanna care.
Theres been times when I want to get better
and other times I just want to stay like this
times where I realize how unwell I really am
and times where I just wish to cease to exist.
Theres been times I regret the stupid things I did
and then other times, I'm just not bothered at all
times where I wish I could undo those daft things
other times I don't care about anything anymore.
Its like theres two different parts of me inside
they're both wanting different things altogether
I dont know which one is good, which one is bad
dont know which person I'd like to be forever.
I just wanted to be a normal teenager like others
but I feel out of place, like I dont fit it with anyone
was it really that much to ask of you? to be nice?
cause of you I just wish that I'd never been born.
Which person should I be? Please someone help me
I could be good and loved by anyone and everyone
or I could be apart from the world in an internal bubble
Im stuck between two voices in my head...which one?
Everything would be perfect for my family, friends,
but Im just a freak, a burden on anyone I hold dear
I feel so stuck and don't know what to do about anything
all I keep thinking is it'll all be perfect, if I was no longer here.