Wild Bill Balding (12 June 1961 / London)
To a teenage stepson
When you are older with a place of your own
I will come and visit at awkward moments,
and lean on the doorbell until you answer.
I shall piss over your toilet seat, the carpet,
and probably up the walls as well.
I shall dropp my clothes randomly
throughout your public rooms,
and play with myself where the neighbours can see.
Your loved one I shall insult
at the most inappropriate moments.
I shall talk loudly and often during
your favourite programmes and lose the
remote so you cannot record them for later.
I will spit with precision down the banisters
and shut the cat in the room with the best rug
and a very full bladder. However, the
likelihood being that (should I survive
that long) you will choose my care home
and have power of attorney over my pension,
perhaps I shall content myself with
shuffling around muttering nonsense,
smelling of wee, and feigning deafness
when there are jobs needing done. You
could be mine, after all.
Comments about this poem (To a teenage stepson by Wild Bill Balding )
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