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Wild Bill Balding

(12 June 1961 / London)

To a teenage stepson


When you are older with a place of your own
I will come and visit at awkward moments,
and lean on the doorbell until you answer.
I shall piss over your toilet seat, the carpet,
and probably up the walls as well.
I shall dropp my clothes randomly
throughout your public rooms,
and play with myself where the neighbours can see.
Your loved one I shall insult
at the most inappropriate moments.
I shall talk loudly and often during
your favourite programmes and lose the
remote so you cannot record them for later.
I will spit with precision down the banisters
and shut the cat in the room with the best rug
and a very full bladder. However, the
likelihood being that (should I survive
that long) you will choose my care home
and have power of attorney over my pension,
perhaps I shall content myself with
shuffling around muttering nonsense,
smelling of wee, and feigning deafness
when there are jobs needing done. You
could be mine, after all.

Submitted: Thursday, February 07, 2008
Edited: Friday, July 11, 2008

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Comments about this poem (To a teenage stepson by Wild Bill Balding )

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  • Lynda Robson (7/17/2008 3:02:00 PM)

    I think you have captured teenagers to a T here Bill, it's hard to imagine we were once that way? lol,10 for this
    Lynda xx (Report) Reply

  • Dawn Slanker (7/16/2008 2:46:00 PM)

    This poem is classic and will live forever. I'll have to share this with my sons ;) Great job (Report) Reply

  • Yvonne Rautenbach (7/16/2008 9:06:00 AM)

    Briings back memories of my sons..you forgot the chocolate and crisp wrappers stuffed down side of the bed! (o: (Report) Reply

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