To My Dog Poem by Marien Jacobs

Why….? Why….? Why….?
No one will understand why I’m still crying for you!
No one will understand what you meant to me, even if they try.
No one, except me, will understand all the pain and hurt too.

All the longing to see you again,
The prayers that you’ll be healed; without pain.
To hold you in my arms once more,
To cuddle you like I did before.

All the nights I’ve sat by your side,
Crying, praying…you to abide,
And heard yóú crying, pleading;
And I tried to comfort you while I was interceding.

And then your day to go just came,
We came and fetch you
And your pain showed true
You came, walking crippled and lame.

As if you know where you have to go
You climbed into the car, your pain in full blow.
Onto the backseat you climb without force
Waiting for us to start the course.

We drove you to the towns’ only vet,
And I wait with you, while the clock get set.
Hearing the clock ticking in my ears,
Knowing your time has come; time to face my fears.

And the veterinary came walking across the sand
He got the killing-poison in his hand.
You climb out of the car without making a sound,
And wait there, sitting on the ground.

He tied a bandage around your mouth…
And you just sit and wait facing south.
He shaved a part of your leg, the skin to show,
And he looks at the poison in the syringe as it flows.

And then he pricked the needle into your leg,
He starts to squirt out the poison, your death it beg.
Into your body; your veins, into your blood;
I see you jerk as the poison through your veins flood.
I see you grow weak and I start screaming inside:
Stop killing my dog! I wanted you to hide.
I want to grab the injection out of his hand
And trample the needle into the sand.

Then you try to snap at his hand with you teeth,
But your mouth couldn’t open at the moment so brief.
You start to loose your strength and sight
And sink to the ground in the direct sunlight.

As you lie there, you look me in the eye
Your eyes was filled with hurt and pain
They plead me to help…all in vein,
In them dwells the question: Why?

Then your eyes closed as they look into mine,
Your body relaxed, up to the spine.
Still, without motion your sloppy figure lies
They carry your body to the truck; left it for the flies.

I did cry; as I’m crying now,
And inside of me, I still scream.
I still hear the click strike zero
And I still try to stop it with my whole being.

Coming home I still seek you,
I look for you everywhere too.
I call you and wait, my manner still the same,
But you never did; you never came.

I still hear you bark,
See you wagging your tail,
Feel you licking my hand in the dark,
Understanding: your love will never fail.

I still call you in my dreams
And see you come back to me,
Healed and so happy you seem.
When I wake, you I still don’t see.

I still want to touch your skin,
Hug you; kiss you, as it always has been.
Play with you,
Comfort you.

But I can’t anymore,
Cause you’re gone; my heart is sore.
And you’ll never come again;
Not to cuddle you – it drives me insane.

But know this for sure,
My memory of you will find no cure,
Cause you’re still alive in my dreams,
In my thoughts and memory, you’re there it seems.

You will always stay
My beloved Caesar dog, I say!
I love you,
I miss you!

(2002)