Too Many Women Poem by David Lewis Paget

The parents of Valentine Ogilby should
Be stood by a wall, and be shot,
They gave him a label that he was unable
To change, were he willing or not.
The girls always clustered around him at school,
The boys shooed him off with contempt,
He'd act as if flustered, but always could muster
A kiss for a girl in a tent.

His kisses were infamous, hugs were immense,
We thought his behaviour was odd,
He grew to believe that each woman conceived
That he was a gift from God.
He wouldn't stay faithful for even a day,
Was caught kissing everyone's girl,
But nothing would stay them, they'd cry and would pray them,
He'd set every heart in a whirl.

We threatened to cool him off once in a stream,
We threatened to chop off his hair,
His giant libido had fashioned his credo
He taunted us then, ‘Wouldn't dare! '
The girls in our town became suddenly plump,
Were waddling up street and down,
There was almost a riot, they said it was diet,
We thought, ‘It's that Valentine clown.'

I heard that he'd died of a heart attack
When just coming up twenty nine,
It's lucky he did, for the child support kid
Would be bankrupt by now, doing time.
I'd watched as he'd hurried from Angel to Zara,
His creed was a creed that's sublime,
For once in his passing he gasped at the asking:
‘Too many women,
Not enough time! '

22 September 2014