Toxic Poem by Marlene Martinez

The day I met you I swear I thought you were the most handsome, intelligent, and sexiest man I had ever met. I knew i had to have you, even though at the time I was dating someone else, I wasn’t being treated the right way I was being neglected in every aspect of our relationship. So I took it like I had met you for a reason because of the way I felt for you. I swear after that night at the olive garden I never stopped thinking about you. I had to say something I couldn’t help it. After you and I hooked up and made something of ourselves together, I was so happy with you and so in love with you. I was a little girl who knew nothing then, I thought love and relationships were all about just us two and no one else. But you proved me other wise. You played with me, you hurt me, you damaged my mind. I lost my piece of mind so quick and slowly but surely started to become this monster. I thought after the first couple of times you cheated on me that you would learn, I thought you knew you made a huge mistake and the way you begged me and cried to me showed me how much you loved me and really were sorry. But that was just it, your tears and your im sorry’s blocked out all the bad that you had done. I was a kid who thought that apologies made everything all better. I was a kid who thought that one day you would be all about me only, and only me. I was learning and now that ive learned and become a woman I’ve grown not only physically but mentally and my pride has not only been stronger than before but my way of thinking is beyond words. I sometimes think that my mind is over thinking too much I sometimes think that the things I think about are what make me go crazy, but then I realize its you. Its you who has made me mad, crazy, mean, and at times cruel. Yea I’ve talked to other guys, I have, and I will never deny it. I needed to, it was the only way I can forgive you and in some way my revenge. I felt I needed to hear that im beautiful, sexy, i still got it, a good mother, and a good person. You never made me feel any of those things until 8 years later. They say its never too late, but maybe it is? Maybe our relationship has been forced for too long? Maybe the reason you always lied to me is because you never really loved me? Im almost sure that’s it. Because if you had loved me the way I loved you, you would have never hurt me the way you have. I always told myself there is no point in cheating, because the day I cheat is the day I leave you. But you did all that, and never left me instead you asked for more chances….and still 8 years later you continue to lie, and continue to ask for more chances. Its so sad our relationship. I always wanted to be married one day, and be all about you and only you, but maybe it wont ever be that way because our relationship is so much more bad up than it is good. I don’t think our good times will ever take over the bad times. You and I are toxic.