David Lewis Paget

Rookie - 928 Points (22.11.1944 / Nottingham, England/live in Australia)

When Peggity Pulled the Cord


Peggity was my sister’s friend
She certainly wasn’t mine,
Back in the days of British Steam
On the London and Midland line,
They sent us away for the holidays
And packed us onto the train,
‘Now you look after your sister, Dave,
And Peggity, just the same.’

We found an empty compartment and
Threw everything up on the rack,
Peggity dropped the window down
And I said, ‘You put that back! ’
She danced around on the seats and smirked
As the steam puffed by in clouds,
The smell of sulphur was quite extreme
By the time that we got to Stroud.

We had to change at the junction there,
She threw my cap on the line,
The Stationmaster was not impressed
She said, ‘Well, it isn’t mine! ’
She’d pout whenever I told her off
My sister couldn’t care less,
I said, ‘Why don’t you control your friend? ’
My sister said - ‘Bad cess! ’

Things got worse on the Bristol train
She swung from the luggage rail,
Stomped all over my homework, and
My sister let out a wail,
She’d trodden over her pleated skirt
That she’d got, brand new for the trip,
Peggity said, ‘He pushed me there, ’
And my sister said, ‘You drip! ’

She spilled a drink on the fabric seats
She trod all over my shoe,
I said, ‘If she doesn’t settle down
I don’t know what I shall do.’
She squelched a sandwich over the floor
My sister said, ‘Oh, fine! ’
I said, ‘Well what are you wailing for,
That sanger was one of mine! ’

She flounced around and she huffed and puffed
Said, ‘Peggity’s getting bored! ’
She opened up the compartment then
And screamed up the corridor.
The conductor came and he shut the door
And waved his finger at me:
‘Keep her still or I’ll throw you off
Under Regulation three! ’

I’d had enough so I pulled her down,
I sat on her on the seat,
She said, ‘I’m telling my Mum on you,
By gum, you’ve got smelly feet.’
I thumped her hard on the shoulder
And she howled, pushed me on the floor,
Jumped up and stood on the seat, and then
Peggity pulled the cord!

The brakes locked on with a screech of steel
As the train had screamed to a halt,
It threw us all in a heap while she
Was yelling, ‘It’s all your fault! ’
I sat in awe for I’d never seen
A train pulled up with a clang,
I said, ‘They’re going to catch you now,
And when they do, you’ll hang! ’

She screeched in fear and opened the door,
Then jumped right down on the line,
Ran right into a field of cows,
We thought they were, at the time,
But a big black bull then chased her round
And butted her over a hedge,
I laughed so much that I couldn’t stand
And nearly fell off the ledge.

The conductor came and he took our names
He said we were making a fuss,
My sister looked down her nose at him:
‘She’s nothing to do with us! ’
She spent some time in the hospital
Lay flat in a hospital bed,
She never came out with us again,
‘It serves her right, ’ I said.

I still remember that glorious sight
Of her sailing over the bush,
Doing a double somersault
And landing flat on her tush.
My sister told her to go away
When she came back, looking meek,
But she had to stand at the back of the class,
She couldn’t sit down for a week.

Submitted: Thursday, May 16, 2013
Edited: Wednesday, September 11, 2013

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11 May 2013

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