Why? Poem by Kevin Lynch

Why can't I just feel again? Instead of having my emotions go cold?
Why can't I just walk with the happy instead of this pain so old?
Why can't I just fully move on and finally feel what I had felt
Again when I was with that one woman that made my heart melt?

Why must I bear the torment of living an empty monotonous life?
Why must I bear all this sorrow and pain stabbing me like a knife?
Why must I bear this all and endure this torment without the hope
That you brought me, but you abandoned me, leaving me to 'Cope'.

And so the thoughts sway,
Thinking of which devious way,
With which I'll take my life away,
And when I do finally slay
Myself I will lavishly lay,
In a box, where I shall eternally stay...
No slithering sins will I ever repay
As I lie there and slowly decay...

Why do I wish to do this? You infected me with your lucid lust.
Why do I desire it so... It torments me, it's the only desire that I must.
Why do I suffer so, for this I must know, for I suffer so slow
Yet it continues to grow, since so long ago, an end, or knowledge as to why is what I want though...

Why does the unfortunate thing happen to me? And always so often.
Why does the darkness always assault, and my soul slowly soften?
Why does lightning always strike me not once, not twice but thrice
As if the weight of the world on my suffering shoulders doesn't suffice...

And so the thoughts sway,
Thinking of any single way,
Noose? Poison? To take my life away.
Or with the knife shall I slay
Myself and in my bloodshed lay,
Peaceful, free of sorrow I'd stay...
Nothing could ever, ever repay
The things that cause me to decay...


Except for that one approaching day,
Soon round the corner, when my life I will betray.