Randy Johnson Poems

(This is a fictional poem)

You have the nerve to act like a fool.
You actually took a dump in my pool.
...

God has been good to me and I want to thank him.
He has helped me out even when my life was dim.
God has always been there for me and that's my confession.
I thank him for my good health and also for my possessions.
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Last week you got in a big fight with your best friend.
The two of you swore never to see each other again.
I can tell that you're sad because you'll no longer see each other.
When it comes to friends, you are out there trying to find another.
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(Dedicated to William Hanna and Joseph Barbera.)

You created Yogi Bear, the Flintstones and other cartoons.
When the two of you died, it was sad and it was too soon.
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(This is a true story)

When I saw a dead cat lying on the road, it made me feel bad.
This yellow cat had been killed by a car and it was very sad.
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People point and laugh at me when I go to the mall.
They think it's funny when they see a Neanderthal.
Let me tell you something that is scary.
A man gets far less sex when he's hairy.
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I used to be a republican but now I'm a democrat.
I used to be a republican but George Bush changed that.
When it comes to voting in elections,
Republicans will no longer be my selections.
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I bought my rotten stepson a Nintendo Wii.
But then the jerk also wanted me to buy him a Playstation 3.
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I have this noose around my neck because I stole a horse.
After you hang me, you won't even feel remorse.
You asked if I have anything to say so I'm saying it.
This is an evil law and you're evil for obeying it.
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I feel remorse because my friend did something that wasn't right.
He was running late one day so he didn't stop at the traffic lights.
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