Randy Johnson


Randy Johnson Poems

1. A 2nd Poem About Hoss 9/9/2005
2. 4th Of July 9/4/2005
3. We Have To Talk 9/5/2005
4. Sylvester 9/5/2005
5. Let's Step Outside 9/5/2005
6. Respect 9/5/2005
7. Twister 9/10/2005
8. Agnes 9/10/2005
9. Toothless 9/17/2005
10. Yellow Pocket Bike 9/3/2005
11. Attacked 9/3/2005
12. I'M No Superhero 9/15/2005
13. Home Improvement 9/18/2005
14. My Crappy Go Cart 9/20/2005
15. Rain & Thunderstorms 7/6/2006
16. I Got A Lickin For Eating A Chicken 7/18/2006
17. Liars! 9/3/2006
18. He Ate All Of The Doughnuts 9/18/2006
19. You Should Be Put In Your Place 10/10/2006
20. Turns To Gold 10/30/2006
21. Superficial 11/1/2006
22. Farewell Jack Palance 11/16/2006
23. Records 12/5/2006
24. Norman Part 3 12/16/2006
25. Ford 12/28/2006
26. She Poured My Beers Down The Drain 12/29/2006
27. End Of 2006 12/31/2006
28. Child Beater 1/3/2007
29. Picking Up Women 1/5/2007
30. Our Vows Meant Nothing To Her 1/10/2007
31. Don'T Have The Special! 1/27/2007
32. Heaven 2/6/2007
33. Anna Nicole 2/9/2007
34. Farley Forever 3/31/2007
35. P.O.W. 4/9/2007
36. Incompetent Doctor 9/20/2005
37. Sent To Prison 4/15/2006
38. You Killed My Son's Cat 5/1/2007
39. Swastika 5/6/2007
40. Sometimes I Feel Like Screaming 6/8/2007
Best Poem of Randy Johnson

800 Pounds

Two years ago I ruined my life when I got a bride.
She's 6'4' tall and about ten feet wide.
She weighs 800 pounds and I married her when I was drunk.
She eats and eats and my bank account has significantly shrunk.
She rolled over on me in bed and broke fifteen of my bones.
I wish she'd pack her bags and leave me on my own.
She's mean, she has warts on her face and it's tearing me apart.
When we go out in public, she always farts.
When she passes gas, it's louder than TNT and it really stinks.
I should've listened to my parents when they told me never to drink.
She...

Read the full of 800 Pounds

A Day Of Bad Luck

All day long I've had bad luck.
This morning I got on an elevator and it got stuck.
I had a panic attack and thought I was going to die.
I asked a man to put out his cigarette and he stuck it in my eye.

A guy tried to take my taxi so he and I had a bout.
I thought I could win but he turned me inside out.
I learned that I have a jaw that's made of glass.
I lost several of my teeth when that guy kicked my ass.

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