Three convenience store employees thought what they did was funny but I think it was cruel.
Those three people said that I won a thirty million dollar lottery and then yelled "April Fool".
They sold me a fake lottery ticket with the winning numbers.
They started laughing and said that a person couldn't be any dumber.
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When Rocky Balboa returned from Russia, he'd been cheated out of his money, he didn't have a penny.
I was at his estate sale and I bought his Lamborghini.
But Rocky followed me home and said that he was ready to attack.
He said he'd break every bone in my body if I didn't give the car back.
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The way I run my business is something my employees don't like.
Just because I do them dirty sometimes, they go out on strike.
They're on strike now because I cut out their coffee breaks.
Last week, they took me for a drive and threw me in a lake.
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I agreed to do a lot of yard work for a man for 125 bucks.
I did the work but when I asked for the money, he said that I was fucked.
Before he slammed the door in my face, he gave me the bird.
I'd never seen such behavior before, it was absolutely absurd.
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I'm very angry and you'd better believe that it's no joke.
My goat ate my winning lottery ticket and now I'm broke.
She ate a lottery ticket that was worth nearly twenty million dollars.
I shoved a stick up that goat's ass and you should've heard her holler.
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I fell in love with a man's wife.
She convinced me to end his life.
She said we couldn't be together unless he was dead.
I bought a gun and agreed to shoot him in the head.
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It was seven years ago when you celebrated your final Mother's Day.
We had to bury you ten months later when you passed away.
Before you became ill, your death wasn't something that our family anticipated.
We made the doctors do everything they could, including having your leg amputated.
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He starred in two Apple Dumpling Gang movies and The Shaggy D.A.
He was an awesome comedic actor and his name was Tim Conway.
He starred in The Tim Conway Show and in one episode of 7th Heaven.
He starred in McHale's Navy and a few episodes of Married With Children.
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My fourteen year old daughter was the star of a children's TV show.
But because she grew large breasts, they decided to let her go.
They said that because of her growth spurt, it would be inappropriate for her to be on a children's show.
They said they were sure that I would understand but I was furious and I said "Hell no".
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For one month, I've been smoke free.
31 days ago, I put smoking behind me.
God and the nicotine patches have helped me to quit and I'm grateful.
And without those patches, the nicotine withdrawal would've made me become hateful.
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