Randy Johnson Poems

For the last few Fridays, you've been stealing from my grocery store.
I'm not going to tolerate your behavior anymore.
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When we go cruising with your girlfriend, I don't like how you drive.
You always watch her big boobs instead of the road and we're lucky to be alive.
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People reap what they sew for the things they do.
I've reaped what I sewed for what I did to you.
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I love eating rattlesnake because it's so good.
I'd eat it three times a day if I could.
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When you ran over my foot with your tractor-trailer,
I started cussing just like a sailor.
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My damn wife did something awful to me.
She gave me a sandwich that contained a bumble bee.
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Give me a slice of apple pie with some cheese.
It's tastes delicious and it's sure to please.
It's the tastiest thing I've ever put in my mouth.
You make the greatest apple pie in the south.
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Life can get pretty hard when relationships go astray.
I believe in love a little less each day.
Marriages used to last fifty years, now they last fifty weeks.
Couples keep breaking up even though true love is what everybody seeks.
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I wear a kilt but everybody thinks it's a dress.
People laugh at me and my life is a mess.
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I slept with Daffy Duck and I'm so ashamed.
Instead of making love to a woman, I made love to game.
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