Randy Johnson Poems

(This is a fictional poem)

When I go on a date, I make the girl order the cheapest thing on the menu.
They usually walk out the door before the dates have a chance to continue.
...

(This is a fictional poem)

I made a monster out of body parts just like Doctor Frankenstein.
Many people have been killed because of this monster of mine.
...

(This is a fictional poem)

I was married and I was happy eversince the day I met her.
But when I came home one day, I found a Dear John letter.
...

You just turned sixty and you're feeling blue.
You think that you're old but that's not true.
It's true that you're no longer young but you're not over the hill.
You think that your useful days are over but that's not how you should feel.
...

(This is a true story)

One day a man was showing off his loaded gun to a friend.
It accidentally discharged and it brought his daughter's life to an end.
...

You are saving it for marriage because premarital sex is a sin.
But some people are making fun of you because you're a virgin.
I think what you're doing is very great indeed.
It's refreshing to see someone wait until they're married.
...

Barack Obama is a Senator and a family man too.
He was born in Hawaii in Honolulu.
He has a wife and two daughters who he loves very much.
When it comes to the issues that are important, he's in touch.
...

If a ninety year old Tennessean buys some cigarettes, he has to show identification.
He has to prove that he's not under eighteen and that's stupid intimidation.
Bredesen must think that people will mistake senior citizens to be people who are under eighteen.
The law he passed makes all tobacco users show identification and it's the stupidest law I've ever seen.
...