Randy Johnson Poems

I slept with Daffy Duck and I'm so ashamed.
Instead of making love to a woman, I made love to game.
...

I purchased a refrigerator and I regret the one that I got.
It was an antique and it was something I shouldn't have bought.
...

I deliver butter and eggs for miles around.
It's great because I deliver to everybody in town.
...

You complained to my boss because I didn't give you service with a smile.
Sadly the reason is because I've been extremely unhappy for a while.
...

I've been watching those V8 commercials on TV.
But when I emulate them, people beat the crap out of me.
...

A couple of my wives left because of the way they were treated.
But most of them left because I cheated.
...

You've been doing something that I really loathe.
You've been putting down a family because they don't have nice clothes.
You tell people that this family should stay home if they can't dress better than that.
I'm ashamed to admit that I know you because you're a dirty rat.
...

I sit here crying because I'm in a lot of pain.
My life was destroyed yesterday when my wife was killed by a train.
...

A man called a babysitter and told her to go upstairs and look in on the children.
She ignored the man so he called again and again.
...

My arms, legs and ribs have been broken and I'm wearing a neck collar.
It happened when I went to a five star restaurant and was charged three hundred dollars.
...