Ode To A Nightingale

My heart aches, and a drowsy numbness pains
My sense, as though of hemlock I had drunk,
Or emptied some dull opiate to the drains
One minute past, and Lethe-wards had sunk:
'Tis not through envy of thy happy lot,
But being too happy in thy happiness,---
That thou, light-winged Dryad of the trees,
In some melodious plot
Of beechen green, and shadows numberless,
Singest of summer in full-throated ease.

Duino Elegies: The First Elegy

Who, if I cried out, would hear me among the angels'
hierarchies? and even if one of them suddenly
pressed me against his heart, I would perish
in the embrace of his stronger existence.
For beauty is nothing but the beginning of terror
which we are barely able to endure and are awed
because it serenely disdains to annihilate us.
Each single angel is terrifying.
And so I force myself, swallow and hold back
the surging call of my dark sobbing.

Tulips

The tulips are too excitable, it is winter here.
Look how white everything is, how quiet, how snowed-in
I am learning peacefulness, lying by myself quietly
As the light lies on these white walls, this bed, these hands.
I am nobody; I have nothing to do with explosions.
I have given my name and my day-clothes up to the nurses
And my history to the anaesthetist and my body to surgeons.

They have propped my head between the pillow and the sheet-cuff
Like an eye between two white lids that will not shut.

Tractor

The tractor stands frozen - an agony
To think of. All night
Snow packed its open entrails. Now a head-pincering gale,
A spill of molten ice, smoking snow,
Pours into its steel.
At white heat of numbness it stands
In the aimed hosing of ground-level fieriness.

It defied flesh and won't start.
Hands are like wounds already

Inspiration

My pen is poised, what shall I write,
The mind is 'dark', it needs some light,
Some 'inspiration' would be enough
To trigger the fingers and do a rough
Transcript of thoughts which might be pleasing,
But somehow at present, I'm into squeezing
My brain, to think up a suitable start,
Why aren't I a person who's 'grey matter' is smart,
When out of the blue a sentence appears,
The brain reacts and the numbness clears,

Elegy I

Who, if I cried out, would hear me among the angels'
hierarchies? and even if one of them suddenly
pressed me against his heart, I would perish
in the embrace of his stronger existence.
For beauty is nothing but the beginning of terror
which we are barely able to endure and are awed
because it serenely disdains to annihilate us.
Each single angel is terrifying.
And so I force myself, swallow and hold back
the surging call of my dark sobbing.

My Loud Solitude

Why there are some people who could hear you a thousand words and still not understand you? ...
A big question that blows my mind.
How can you think without thinking?
Feeling without feeling,
Can you just imagine that?
A happy heart, intertwined with your sad soul.
A weird feel...
Loving of being alone sometimes,
But couldn't embrace the solitude;
I love my music so loud,

Dockery And Son

'Dockery was junior to you,
Wasn't he?' said the Dean. 'His son's here now.'
Death-suited, visitant, I nod. 'And do
You keep in touch with-' Or remember how
Black-gowned, unbreakfasted, and still half-tight
We used to stand before that desk, to give
'Our version' of 'these incidents last night'?
I try the door of where I used to live:

Locked. The lawn spreads dazzlingly wide.

Lust For Life

Discontented heart and a restless soul,
unaware i was of my goals.

Alcohol, cocaine, hashish and grass
transformed me to a creature crass.
They pervaded the blood in my veins
squandered me to world obscure,
where enlightenment was feign.
There, euphoria didn't differ from pain.
A drizzle felt like deluge, a whisper like roar.

Comfort In Pain

I was lost in numbness for years
I was running from pain
but then I became trapped in the freezing darkness
where I was constantly numb
I’d rather feel pain than nothing at all
pain with out reason
pain without cause
pain without love
it was all better then being numb
I am sick of feeling numb

Samson Agonistes (Excerpts)

[Samson's Opening Speech]
A little onward lend thy guiding hand
To these dark steps, a little further on;
For yonder bank hath choice of sun or shade,
There I am wont to sit, when any chance
Relieves me from my task of servile toil,
Daily in the common prison else enjoin'd me,
Where I a prisoner chain'd, scarce freely draw
The air imprison'd also, close and damp,
Unwholesome draught: but here I feel amends,

! The Voyage

Just the day,
comes,
with an iron will,
the way to conquer the passions,
standing strong for the will,
droned by half hearted gestures,
and sick blood,
heated to warm,
inhabiting the frozen hope,
Clenched jaw,

Till We Are At The End Of Horizon

This numbness I have from the winter
Lock the coldness on my skin
To be felt and to forget the warm
As if fire never exist
Cause heart to grief

How long it can control,
Not forever
Once the trail of hope will return
It'll be like a spring that change

Comfort In Pain (Redone)

lost in numbness for years
running from pain
trapped in the freezing darkness
constantly numb
pain is better than nothing at all
pain with out reason, a cause, or even love
is all better then being numb
trapped in a world of numbness without a reason
show me a world I understand
pain is all that I have known

On The Dentist's Chair

I sat on the dentist’s chair
With an aching tooth, feeling hell
The dentist seemed quite pleased
As he opened my mouth and surveyed

‘There are holes to be filled
And the plaque to be removed
It needs a few sittings
At the end, you’ll have a set of fine teeth’!

In Your Heart My Love Reside

Silence knocks the door of the night
Wave of coldness felt, cannot hide
Solitude blew frozen kiss, desire for love inside
Be strong my heart, to carry love inside

Loneliness tried conquer this heart slowly
Numbness whispering onto me gently
I need temporary place for my love to reside
Save my love, while protecting my heart
Need to find true home to keep your pride

Repining

She sat alway thro' the long day
Spinning the weary thread away;
And ever said in undertone:
'Come, that I be no more alone.'

From early dawn to set of sun
Working, her task was still undone;
And the long thread seemed to increase
Even while she spun and did not cease.
She heard the gentle turtle-dove

Ode On Venice

I.
Oh Venice! Venice! when thy marble walls
Are level with the waters, there shall be
A cry of nations o'er thy sunken halls,
A loud lament along the sweeping sea!
If I, a northern wanderer, weep for thee,

What should thy sons do?--anything but weep
And yet they only murmur in their sleep.
In contrast with their fathers--as the slime,

Fire Starter

forever young in my heart and always numb in my brain
im always wearing youth on my sleeve
hoping 1 day i can get this numbness and strain to leave
as never ending passion burns throughout my soul
the darkness above begins to take its toll
never ending rains
loneliness and pain
start to seap into my veins
my blood turns black and so with it my heart
HOPELESNESS AND SHAME! ! !

(01) - The Dead Who Have No Rest

It is an unholy appetite-
A desire, some say,
Born of Satan himself.
The Roaring Lion,
Out for men's blood.
But it is deeper, for me,
I who must live every day
With this desire in my flesh.

I live, as human as any,