Dennis Ryan

Right now, always, I choose life. Life over Death. Life always—despite the police, their violence and stupidity. The determination to live—yes, this the choice always.

The are many ways to write a poem. Conscious ways. Then there is the unconscious. And feeling, writing by feeling, intuition, feeling one's way along, ahead, as the poem gets written, this way somewhat akin to "automatic writing".

Sunday, May 28,2023 at 8: 30 a.m. Life over Death. Life writing. Life always—despite the violence, terror and stupidity of the police—American police departments—who have no conscience, experience no shame. The determination to live—this the choice always.

Monday, May 29,2023 at 9: 30 a.m. More to the point, what if I should lose you? Enduring loss after loss, I have come to realize that saying ‘me' says ‘you' simultaneously, and such newfound knowledge is bitter, grievous, and I don't know how to grieve such added grief.

Tuesday morning, May 30,2023 at 9: 52 a.m. We are born, we live, and we die alone. Nothing can change, stop or delay the process, this most intimate, intense rendezvous with Death. This basic human loneliness—wrap this shawl tight around you, me, our families, our poverty, as we commence our final trek through the cold.

Saturday morning, June 3, 2023 at 8: 36 a.m. "Sculpture is diary then—what the sculptor was thinking, feeling while at work, when, why this particular cut, bend, curve, slope so painstakingly rendered—the chisel, stone, hammer, the promise of the human form, it's potential, so much more—this … the first time I beheld Blue Dancer." (This is an excerpt from my poem titled "Alexander Archipenko's ‘Blue Dancer' ".)

Friday, June 9, 2023 at 8: 48 a.m. "Sometimes my little voice says a lot to you if you take the time to think about my words, meditate on them, their meanings to better understand yourself and me …"

The police, American police forces have neither conscience nor shame—they murder and disappear innocent persons indiscriminately, then go on their way without a thought about their heinous misdeeds, actions. Then they do it again. Saturday morning, June 17, 2023 at 7: 28 a.m.

American police forces, the FBI use anyone and everyone—neighbors, yours and mine—to carry out covert operations against chosen targets, to cover up police crimes committed with impunity. Wednesday morning, June 21, 2023 at 10: 38 a.m.

How explain the police's curious failure to protect and serve? Take the Raleigh PD for example—though the Cary PD are equally guilty of this failure. The answer is ‘selective policing', that is ‘political policing'—the police choose when and where and who to serve—clearly, I am not one of the chosen, no, not one of them. Instead, I am the target, the victim—the polices'. The police fail to help—hinder me—give no service. I am the continuous target, their target, the victim, victimized by them over and over again. (Thursday morning, June 22, 2023 at 7: 26 a.m.)

The deliberate lie, the lies of intent if repeated year after year by a variety of ‘friends' is a sure sign of psychological operations, of police and/or FBI involvement behind the scene when in pursuit of a targeted person. (Wednesday morning, June 28, 2023 at 7: 08 a.m.)

The police never mend their ways, and never will until they are forced to. This is as clear as this night sky, the Pleiades in full view yet again this early morning. I am the force that the police despise, dread, target; yet I am of their own doing, their misdoings, their violent and other crimes committed against me and my family members by officers of the Durham PD, Cary PD and Raleigh PD among other police forces, departments. This is also as clear as this morning sky, the Pleiades still in full view. The world has been reduced to chaos when the police act as criminals, are criminals. What is up and what is down? In this chaotic world, I will not waver, will remain steady in my purpose as the police sow chaos around me. They are fearful; this explains in part their actions taken against me—the melee on the 9 p.m. Go Cary bus this past Wednesday night that I was riding home to Raleigh, their fat, female surrogate trying to block the front door of the bus I was attempting to exit as her cohorts were causing a melee in the back of the bus with a small black man. As I have written else, in poems, the police will do anything, use anyone to achieve their goals. (Saturday morning, July 1, 2023 at 5: 50 a.m.)

Yesterday afternoon, Wednesday July 5,2023, a few minutes before I was about to board a bus in downtown Cary, North Carolina, a Cary PD police cruiser pulled up to that location within five yards of me. It had been hiding unseen at the far end of a Cary resident's driveway on Academy Street until that moment. The police officer driving the cruiser pretended to be friendly after he saw me record his license plate number and vehicle number on a piece of paper, waving frantically at me for about one minute; I ignored him, turned my back to him, looking in the direction in which the bus was coming down Academy Street. For twenty years now, Cary police officers, Irvin Leggett and Charles Dorman among others, have beaten up my family members, and continually harrass and try to intimidate us, have falsified police reports to cover up their actions which are largely criminal. Cary police chiefs are afraid of me; that's why officers like the one in the police cruiser are sent out to bother me. The police play such tricks all the time, trying to trick me, the public at large into believing they are "just good guys" doing their jobs. Everyone, well, almost everyone sees through their pretenses, lies. You have to be a good pretender, a good liar to become a cop. (Thursday morning, July 6,2023 at 6: 29 a.m.)

The story of reality is a sort of fairy tale, told belatedly, of times past, experiences and people and places lost forever. It is of and about the workings of memory and desire. The workings of memory and desire—try to find us therein, if you dare, if you can. (Saturday morning, July 8, 2023 at 9 a.m., written and entered in New Quote immediately after entering a poem on the same subject in my Poem Hunter account. DR)

The story of a life, the telling of it, happens after the fact, is, therefore, a sort of a fairy tale, a fiction, the events themselves lost, irretrievably lost in the past—past tense. (Tuesday morning, July 11, 2023 at 7: 52 a.m.)

The police track my movements daily, will do so again today, despite this morning's rain, and will send police cruisers, police collaborators to my various destinations, often before me—to interact with me—as they mindread me—yes, they can read my thoughts, all par for the course for the various technologies the police employ. (Friday morning, July 14, 2023 at 7: 48 a.m.)

The police have no Plan B, which makes no sense, but it is what it is. As a result, in undercover operation they are doomed to repeat the same covert protocols and procedures over and over again though the actors involved may vary. Pity the police's lack of imagination, but respect their power to do irreparable harm. (Saturday morning, July 15, 2023 at 7: 28 a.m.)

The police use everyone they can in undercover operations, including South Koreans, especially South Koreans in my case as my spouse Kim Jung Sook—you guessed it—is South Korean, hails from the farming village of Puel Ri, Chung Cham Namdo, South Korea. (Wednesday morning, July 19, 2023 at 8: 34 a.m.)

When the police railroad someone for conviction in the court system they mean it—they are out to destroy the person. This is the case with my son Devin Jin Ryan, an American citizen born in Sapporo, Japan on April 28,1983. Devin is ‘scheduled for sentencing' on August 3, 2023, but he has yet to come to trial, face a judge, let alone make a plea, and his court-appointed attorney has done nothing, absolutely nothing, on his behalf, sitting on her hands, all this time while the Cary Police Department and its Wake District Court cronies pull the strings. It is, in short, a recipe for disaster—but as I have said, to date, the police the police mean to destroy him. (Thursday morning, July 20, 2023 at 11: 28 a.m.)

The look alike—the police, FBI are well-known for using them, as when JFK was assassinated in Dallas, TX—they popped up all over the place as Lee Harvey Oswald look alikes. The same thing happened following the sudden disappearance of Centre County PA District Attorney Ray F. Gricar in April of 2005—look alike appeared that same April day in the parking lot of the Bellefonte, PA Courthouse, and then in the following days in various states as the hunt for Ray F. Gricar, for clues as to his disappearance got seriously underway. Look alikes—spotted by police, former police personnel. Hmmm. Say what? Somethin' stunk up Centre County, Bellefonte, the surrounding area! ! ! And for 20 years now, look alikes for Karen Cuccio Davis have come and gone from my view, made themselves close at hand, available, close to home. Yes, they are close to home even at the moment, and will probably remain so given the police tendency to employ ‘copycat operations' over and over again with targets. ‘Let's give him more of the same' has become their motto with me. Well, play on boys. You are, boys after all, after all is said, done, copied. (Late Friday afternoon, July 21, 2023 at 4: 53 p.m.)

My life has turned into this mourning for making past mistakes, this seeking after forgiveness. I go here and there trying to set things right, if only indirectly, which tends to manifest itself, explain itself in my constant giving, my generosity to others as happened the other day, on Monday, when I gave the Perilla plants to Julia and to a total stranger who held the door for me. ‘Kindness counts' I told her. My life has turned into this strange affair, my going here and there seeking after forgiveness for past mistakes … (Thursday morning, July 27, 2023 at 7: 28 a.m.)

Reality, the world as we have come to know it is largely a function of language and memory mixed with desire and the other governing emotions.

for J. Michael Cook,1949-2021, formerly of Wellsville, NY and Durham, NC Dark as the grave in which Mike is laid— the police put him there—much as they did Ray F. Gricar— to get rid of evidence of criminal police behavior directed at my immediate family members by the Storm Lake, Iowa PD, Durham, NC PD, Chapel Hill PD, Raleigh PD, Cary PD, Apex PD, Morrisville PD, Wake Co. Sheriff's Office, in sum by every police agency or department whose jurisdiction I or my immediate family members enter—this is how widespread, pervasive these police crimes against my family members are. (Wednesday morning, August 9, 2023 at 7: 26 a.m.)

I have, fear these these conversations without you here. I pretend. I pretend you are here, when, of course, you are elsewhere, though not afar. You don't keep your promises. You are light and dark, in turn, all light in my presence, all darkness when not—how can this be? I fear your dark, dense silences. You seem to be a female version of Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde, and I fear Mr. Hyde, the Mr. Hyde inside both of us.

Given a choice—as I told my brother Pat Ryan last night—I'd rather share a beer with my cat or dog than with another human being. But I don't really have a choice … (Sunday morning, August 20, 2023 at 7: 39 a.m.)

Life, in the end, is about loss and death, and the endless search for meaning in an absurd, chaotic world where other human beings could care less about life's meaning other than knowing where and wherefrom one's next drink and sex partner is coming. (Sunday night, August 20, 2023 at 10: 05 p.m.)

When a woman initiates problems, bears, brings problem after problem into a relationship, who is to blame? Why it's the man of course, yes! Well, this man isn't having any of it. (If blame need be put, the woman is clearly lame, truly blameworthy.) . He—I mean I, I do not have to put up with such—fill in the final word for me, won't you? (Monday morning, August 21, 2023 at 9: 30 a.m.)

Blondes have more fun? Really? Given my limited interaction with them… well, get on with it—blondes, save one, create the worst headaches, bring the most problems into a friendship, a relationship. Period. (Monday morning, August 21, 2023 at 9: 36 a.m.)

Life, for me of late, this past year or so, has been a series of comings and goings and who I meet along the way—these encounters with numerous others, "of being numerous" in my immediate sense, meaning, and not George Oppen's meaning of the phrase. Some of the persons I meet, have met along the way become friends, others not—for me, it boils down to like temperament, like experience, liking, felt intensity, sharing the same interests, etc., as regards making new friends. There are elements of luck, serendipity and mystery in all of this, life itself being this absurd, mysterious middle passage in which we are in search of purpose and meaning. I seek meaning; perhaps purpose is part and parcel of meaning, derives in part from the search for meaning which, in some ways, is or becomes, blends into search for purpose in life. In the end, I am just thankful that I am here, for now, to experience the ride. (Wednesday morning, August 23, 2023 at 9: 32 a.m.)

Our verbs, verb tenses matter—present, past and future. Do I to you, Sarah J? (Thursday morning, August 24, 2023 at 9: 24 a.m.)

What happens, Sarah, when there's nothin' left—even before we begin—no words left worth speaking because we both know you do not intend to respond despite your interest in doing so? (Friday morning, August 25, 2023 at 8: 26 a.m.)

Of what does a woman's heart consist? It consists of many, many thoughts and emotions, of which I am now just beginning to understand thanks to Barb of Whitesville, NY, my first real girlfriend, Stephanie DeRienzo of Kew Gardens, Queens, NY, Amanda O, Sarah J, Karen D, Alexi M, Gail C, my wife Kim Ryan, and my mother Etta Reed Ryan among many women though these nine are and have been my best teachers for better and worse—yes, for better and for worse. (Wednesday morning, August 30, 2023 at 9: 24 a.m.)

A few kind words, kind acts—what do they accomplish? More than one sought—they open up surprising new worlds, surprisingly at one's fingertips. (Wednesday morning, August 30, 2023 at 9: 33 a.m.)

When an attractive woman decides to ‘turn on the charm' at a moment's notice, buyer beware! Since I need mention this here, you can pretty much realize that I am somewhat naive to women's ways at times, either that, or I am just a sucker in the presence of ‘a good lookin' dame', an old-time phrase that certainly seems to fit me at times. (Thursday afternoon, August 31, 2023 at 3: 51 p.m.)

The better looking a woman is, the more attractive, the more aware her male partner need be of her behavior, her eyes. (Sunday morning, September 3, 2023 at 2: 20 a.m.)

It remains an unexplained life mystery how different persons will impact me emotionally as a person as I am never certain how I will react, respond to a new acquaintance. As I explained it to someone yesterday, I am an ocean that holds a lot of salt, the salt of other person's lives; certain persons, now Sarah, will remain in my memory until the end, new grains of salt, new memory traces, a new fairytale to tell, a new narrative to account for. (Monday morning, September 4, 2023 at 8: 36 a.m.)

Work through all your emotions when it comes to dealing with another person, their various behaviors, good, bad and neutral. Remain positive—that's the most important take away from this. I have Sarah Jakes, in part, to thank for this although I have not seen her in over a month now, and not spoken directly to her in nearly four weeks as she has lapsed into silence. (Monday afternoon, September 4, 2023 at 3: 47 p.m.)

When there is mayhem, trouble, problems on GoCary and GoRaleigh buses, much more often than not a police undercover operation is underway involving passengers, and, yes, even the bus drivers at times who work for the Town of Cary, the City of Raleigh who pay their wages—and in the process I am often the target, the person who has revealed police crimes, police criminal behavior in Cary, NC, Raleigh, Chapel Hill and elsewhere, including Storm Lake, Iowa involving the former Chief of Police Mark Prosser and his deputies. (Tuesday morning, September 5, 2023 at 9: 14 a.m.)

Personal histories continue to repeat themselves for we live in a world of archetypal behavior, and, as a result, of archetypal thinking, archetypal psychology so wonderfully articulated in the work of the American psychologist James Hillman, in books like Blue Fire, among others. (Wednesday morning, September 6, 2023 at 9: 18 a.m.)

As I noted before in a quotation on the list, the intentional lie is a hallmark of police work, police undercover operations. I have now heard many intentional lies from a number of people since January of this year,2023, and a promise made this past week to me is turning into a lie as I write this, and another promise made by the same person might well become a lie before today is done, Thursday, September 7,2023. (9: 24 a.m.)

Composing poems is the best way I know how to deal with my emotions and thoughts, my emotional way of thinking which is, basically, all people's way of thinking according to the most recent research completed on thinking and cognition. What I mean is this: when I write a poem it will go through several revisions, usually by amplifications in which I better refine and articulate what I actually want to say in whole, my subconscious mind seemingly further revealing itself, my emotions, until the poem reaches a point of "complete satisfaction"—i.e. that I am finally satisfied that I have said/written all that need be said/written on the subject/theme at hand. Rarely does a poem of mine come out whole and complete the first time around as happens most of the time in the poetry of my mentor, the American poet William Bronk (1918-1999) . I seemingly need to meditate on each draft/version of a poem before pronouncing the final version "complete", my subconscious having done almost all the "heavy lifting" in the process. (Friday morning, September 8, 2023 at 10: 14 a.m.)

One's response to a situation, a person, pretty much governs how that other person will react, and will respond in turn if a response is forthcoming. In general, the less selfish, the less self-interested the person is, the better the response. It is a person by person situation—why I would be happy to spend days with a person like Sarah Jakes, who I have known for barely two months, but would now be hard pressed to spend one hour with Karen Cuccio Davis who I have known for too long, for thirty-two long years. (Early Saturday morning, September 9,2023 at 4 a.m.)

What are words anyway, ‘Christianity', ‘Buddhism', ‘Hinduism' included? They are mere labels for ways of thinking, feeling. Do I believe that the lives all creatures are of equal value because I am a Buddhist? No. I believe they are of equal value because I am human, one among a variety of living things. (Sunday morning, September 10, 2023 at 2: 57 a.m.)

As I continue to mature—that is, grow in my understanding of human life, the lives of other human beings around me, gaining more sympathy for them in the process—whole, new worlds are opening up for me to which I am granted entrance, and, as a result, the poems I write are becoming that much better, that much more profound as regards my own existence in relation to the lives of other human beings. I have many friends, acquaintances, near strangers and poet friends like Bill Bronk and George and Mary Oppen to thank for it. (Monday morning, September 11, 2023 at 7: 17 a.m.)

Poem Hunter has just stopped me from publishing a poem at 7: 42 a.m., and this is not the first time this has happened—it has happened many times in the past. The name of the completed poem is ‘Her Memory, Traced, That Trace, Her Touch, Those Synapses, One Neuron Touching The Next …'. Doing such delays my day, my getting out of the house into the public sphere—mingling with others—which the Cary PD and Raleigh PD, among other law enforcement agents, worry about and discourage as best they can at all times. Their delaying the time I get out of the house aids their cause. (Monday morning, September 11, 2023 at 7: 54 a.m.)

The power of speech—to move other human beings, and oneself to action—cannot be overrated, the speech of the then ruler of Athens, Miltiades (550 BC—489 BC) , to Callimachus, another Athenian general, comes to mind: the speech took place just prior to the Battle Of Marathon (490 BC) , and was incredibly important, influential, because Miltiades' strong words influenced Callimachus to cast the deciding vote in favor of meeting the Persians in battle on the plains of Marathon instead of at the gates of Athens where a long siege would have proved disastrous to all Athenians involved at the time. As it was, the Athenians defeated the Persians at this important battle to preserve their freedom, Greek culture, and the Greek way of life. Human speech was decisive in bringing this about. (Tuesday morning, September 12, 2023 at 10: 06 a.m.)

The power of speech—the police, Raleigh PD and Cary PD, among other law enforcement agencies, track my every movement, possessing the necessary technology to do such. They know what I bring into our home and take out as this technology can focus on, "mirror" objects, body parts, etc.—you name it, it can be tracked. Right now is time for them to act against me, they think, because of certain events that have occurred in the last few days including today, this morning … However, this is a big however—Sarah Jelks—who hails from Waco, Texas and is a U Texas, Austin graduate, having a master's degree in business—is an attractive divorcee, a young woman in her late thirties—early forties who has been police bait in a covert police operation these last three months, showing up at locations which I regularly frequent—remember the police tracking—speaking with me in public, verbally agreeing to meet me for a U Texas, Austin football game, then suddenly disappearing from view, not taking the opportunity to speak with me since she stopped me in public about one month ago outside a local Cary, NC restaurant on Kildare Farm Road, about two-three miles from our respective homes in Raleigh and Cary, NC. Enough said about her, at least for now… (Tuesday afternoon, September 12, 2023 at 12: 45 p.m.)

Three times now, in the last twenty (20) minutes or so, someone at Poem Hunter has erased new quotes I have tried to publish herein about how local police forces—the Cary PD in particular—and the FBI are using Sarah Jakes, an attractive divorcee from Waco, Texas, who resides in Cary, NC with her daughter Emily, in a police covert operation directed against me. Sarah is a graduate of the University of Texas, Austin, which happens to be one of two university research hubs of mine—the other being University of Maine at Orono—and I have completed research at both institutions numerous times in the past. The police and FBI know this, of course, and try to use this information to my detriment in their covert operation, Sarah being a mere tool of the police, knowing little to nothing of the police crimes committed by the Cary PD, Raleigh PD, FBI, et al. against me and family members. (Thursday morning, September 14, 2023 at 8: 34 a.m.)

When a neighbor basically accuses you, out of the blue as happened a short while ago this morning, of stealing off her back porch—bricks of all things, when you and your wife have toted, brought home in your car hundreds, if not more than a thousand bricks given away by persons/households in Cary and Raleigh, NC—what is going on with such blatant lying? What's going on? Trying to cause trouble, initiate trouble—that's what's going on here, with our neighbor, an older divorced woman at 5905 Westcreek Place, Raleigh, NC 27606. Enough said about her, at least for now … (Friday morning, September 15, 2023 at 8: 23 a.m.)

For the last fifteen (15) minutes or so, Poem Hunter has refused to publish a poem I completed and tried to publish in my Poem Hunter account titled ‘Neighbors, Neighboring Lies In The Suncreek Townhomes Subdivision Of Raleigh, NC, Friday Morning, September 15,2023… About Bricks, A Flat Car Tire, And My Wife Kim Jung Sook Ryan About To Leave For Seoul, South Korea'. Again, this stinks of police involvement, the Cary PD, Raleigh PD, other law enforcement agencies constantly trying to destroy me as they attempt to cover up police crimes committed against me, my family members and friends. (Friday morning, September 15, 2023 at 9: 19 a.m.)