01-Having A Bad Day
I saw him coming down the road
Looked like he was carrying a heavy load.
It was all in his mind, of course
But so heavy he coulda used a horse.
I said, You look mighty sad today
Can I help you at all in any way?
Well, to paraphrase the words of a song
Everything seems to have gone very wrong.
My cow’s gone dry and my hen won’t lay
And my latest squeeze has run away.
I’ve got dandruff and the chicken pox
And big ole holes in the toes of my sox.
Everybody hates me and I feel real blue
And I just stepped in a big pile of doggy poo.
My cat’s had kittens and my dog’s gone lame
And everyone says that I’m to blame.
My grocery bill and my bar tab’s due
And the heel came off of my right-foot shoe.
I’ve got a flat tire and the radiator leaks
And I’ve Arthur’s disease and my joints all squeak.
My TeeVee’s broke and my phone’s on the fritz
And my face is full of acne zits
And everything I eat gives me the shitz.
It’s raining now and I’ve got the gout
And my umbrella just blew inside out.
I’m soaked to the skin and turning blue
And I’m getting a touch of the Asian flu.
I’d kill myself by driving into a tree
But my car won’t start, I’ve lost the key.
Well, I’ll just lie down and wait for the hearse
Things gotta get better
They cain’t get worse.
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