A Big Feeling Not There Poem by Desiree Whitamore

have you ever wanted so much you couldnt sleep?
well hey then, guess what? you're probably doomed for eternity.
because if you're like me, and you just want whats best
you'll do anything to try and stop the pain from infecting the rest.
its like we've got the burden of a hundred tears
lying and crying and fighting and living through our fears.
its never too much to ask for some love
but then when we get it we know its not enough.
its like when we lie awake, searching for something to do
we can't stay still cuz sooner or later, we'll think of you.
and it kills you to think about how you didn't ever know
that the pain you now feel would continue to grow.
you toss and you turn and you know you won't ever be
able to tell them how you wish they could just see
that you're not the same, you've grown up too fast
but the earth keeps turning and you're stuck walking on this path.
and in the end, who knows what you will be able to accomplish
its the end, its over, its something you've finally finished
how could they not be so proud of you?
how could they sit there and not tell you the truth?
how could they look at you and see themselves
and they were just like you, but they denied you some help
maybe it takes your whole life to end up right
but the knowledge that you'll make it, won't let you sleep well at night.
god, can you just tell us what we need to do
please send us a sign so we know theres a real you.
let us believe theres something standing on our shoulder
guiding us, comforting us, as we get older.
because i don't think i could take it if it were just a lie
something they told us just to keep us alive.
how could you not see that this is where i was headed
in this same story we've been writing, we're done, i've read it.
i didnt think you would finally sink so low
how could you not tell me when you were the only one to know?