A Little Bunch of Islands in the Sea Poem by Herbert Kaufman

We aren't much to look at if you judge us by the map;
Just a little bunch of Islands in the sea.
We're a peaceful sort of people, and we quite dislike to scrap;
We're so fond of our Tranquility.
But if you're aching for a row, and simply asking for it,
Despite our wish for calm and peace we really can't ignore it.
And though we hate to fight, there are times when war is right,
And we have to teach our enemies respect for British might.
Teach them not to interfere
With our comfort and our cheer;
And once we do start on the job we make the point quite clear,
Oh Dear!
But it does seem very queer
How often we must take the pains to make an old point clear.

We do look unimportant when you measure us by size;
Such a little bunch of Islands in the sea.
But don't go by appearances — we usually surprise
The foe who drops in unexpectedly.
And though we haven't fortified our coasts, we're fixed for trouble
With floating walls, prepared to take a blow and give back double.
By our squadron we maintain
Power over land and main,
And the lesson which Trafalgar taught we'll teach the world again.
Let no foeman interfere with our comfort and our cheer
For once we do meet with his fleet we'll make this point quite clear.
Oh, dear!
But it does seem very queer
How often Britain's Navy has to make a plain fact clear.

Besides there are our colonies, please count them, Kaiser, dear.
Quite a little bunch of Islands in the sea.
Not to mention several continents that do not stand in fear
Of the handful you can send from Germany.
'Tis true we have our family spats, but when we face bad weather,
Wherever Britain's Standard floats her people stand together,
And our little rows are done
At the signal of the gun.
When the King sends forth his call to arms the Empire is one.
And we have no need to fear for our safety, get that clear,
Whilst four hundred million answer to the summons with a cheer.
Oh, dear!
But it really does appear
That some very bad advisers have been standing at your ear