Treasure Island

omar ibrahim

(16/9/1994 / cairo / Egypt)

A Prayer - Haiku


O God almighty,

sacrifice for you what then

if life is so cheap?

Submitted: Monday, August 23, 2010
Edited: Saturday, May 21, 2011

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  • Keyaki Zelkova (9/15/2010 4:06:00 PM)

    Hi, Omar Ibrahim,

    I think you have the essence of Haiku. What is good about your poem is that you know how to express yourself in poetry, that is a great asset to be a good poet.

    As to the rules of Haiku, Seyyed Bagher Mirshojaee is right, i.e.5-7-5 and nature oriented. However, if you look at Haiku Quarterly(http: //dspace.dial.pipex.com/town/park/yaw74/HQ.htm) , there are a string of what they call 'Haiku' which are stretched or diverted from the origin.

    Having said that as a Japanese, I personally prefer and recommend that beginners in particular should stick to the traditional Haiku rule till they get a knack for it.

    My advice for YOU is keep writing till you feel comfortable with your work.

    Keyaki (Report) Reply

  • Dr.tony Brahmin (9/12/2010 2:55:00 PM)

    very good haiku.
    u are brnging in a note on the struggle of man to believe.
    sacrifice? ?
    God do need a sacrifice?
    are we living in the times of neanderthal men?
    u pose a big question regarding religious beliefs. thank you (Report) Reply

  • blank blank (9/7/2010 1:27:00 AM)

    great poem.
    the question calls for some thought.
    its the best you've got. the best you can give.
    and there are great rewards for the one who sacrifices his life for his creator.
    10+ (Report) Reply

  • Zeinab Sherif (9/6/2010 12:56:00 PM)

    well! it's good 2 start with & it's good 2 enlarge ur talent & discover ur skills.the question confused me but i liked it & i'm sure u'll be better.thanks for sharing. (Report) Reply

  • Niken Kusuma Wardani (9/6/2010 12:52:00 AM)

    Hi Omar, i prefer to comment about the idea. It's a simple question that has many version of answer. Well, everybody has their own view about life.. but i think every life is worth a sacrifice, start at our mother who bear us and give birth to us. It's nice idea to ponder, tks for sharing (Report) Reply

  • Seyyed Bagher Mirshojaee (9/5/2010 5:57:00 PM)

    Dear Omar
    Regarding the definition of haiku this poem can not be considered as a haiku because images will be given in 17 syllables arranged in three lines containing five, seven, and five syllables respectively and there should be a type of relationship among these images which mainly have seasonal references as far as I know. I don't care about the form but regarding the meaning from my viewpoint you did a good job.
    In the third line you mentioned an important critical point regarding the Islamic concept of sacrifice (killing sheep) so life is cheap has deep ironic meaning in my opinion life for the sheep is cheap or for human being or for the poet who understands the concept of life which makes your work as a piece of art because we sacrifice to escape at the expense of an animal's life. This is my reading of it which is different from other friends who have the right to see from their own cultural and religious perspective. All in all it is a thought provoking poem. Thank you for sharing.
    Hope to read your other successful poems. (Report) Reply

  • Allemagne Roßmann (9/3/2010 5:49:00 AM)

    I asked the question so many times
    And God said he is speechless in speech
    for the speech is there only when we are speechless. (Report) Reply

  • Jenny Gordon (8/28/2010 11:39:00 AM)

    Great job. It seems to fit the definition of haiku as 5/7/5. And it is fascinatingly serious in contrast to the dictionary definition of it being literally jesting. I suppose it rather mocks the concept of life being cheap, yet upholds it in the sense that the only sacrifice God Almighty accepts is Himself, the Lord Jesus Christ, saying regarding our sacrifices...
    Mic 6: 6-7 Wherewith shall I come before the Lord, and bow myself before the high God? shall I come before Him with burnt offerings, with calves of a year old? Will the Lord be pleased with thousands of rams, or with ten thousands of rivers of oil? shall I give my firstborn for my transgression, the fruit of my body for the sin of my soul? '
    Song of Songs 8: 7 'Many waters cannot quench love, neither can the floods drown it: if a man would give all the substance of his house for love, it would utterly be contemned.'
    For He says...'For God so loved the world, that He gave His only begotten Son, that whosoever believeth in Him should not perish, but have everlasting life.'(Jn 3: 16)
    Rom 5: 8-9,6: 23..'But God commendeth His love toward us, in that, while we were yet sinners, Christ died for us. Much more then, being now justified by His blood, we shall be saved from wrath through Him.....For the wages of sin is death; but the gift of God is eternal life through Jesus Christ our Lord.'
    Heb 10: 1-10 'For the law having a shadow of good things to come, and not the very image of the things, can never with those sacrifices which they offered year by year continually make the comers thereunto perfect. For then would they not have ceased to be offered? because that the worshippers once purged should have had no more conscience of sins.
    But in those sacrifices there is a remembrance again made of sins every year. For it is not possible that the blood of bulls and of goats should take away sins.
    Wherefore when He cometh into the world, He saith, Sacrifice and offering Thou wouldest not, but a body hast Thou prepared Me:
    In burnt offerings and sacrifices for sin Thou hast had no pleasure.
    Then said I, Lo, I come (in the volume of the book it is written of Me,) to do Thy will, O God.
    Above when He said, Sacrifice and offering and burnt offerings and offering for sin Thou wouldest not, neither hadst pleasure therein; which are offered by the law; Then said He, Lo, I come to do Thy will, O God. He taketh away the first, that He may establish the second.
    By the which will we are sanctified through the offering of the body of Jesus Christ once for all.'
    Uh oh, is it too long a comment? Anyway, the sacrifice God Almighty accepts is the Lord Jesus Christ, of Whom He says His blood is not cheap but precious...
    I Pet 1: 18-21 'Forasmuch as ye know that ye were not redeemed with corruptible things, as silver and gold, from your vain conversation received by tradition from your fathers;
    But with the precious blood of Christ, as of a lamb without blemish and without spot:
    Who verily was foreordained before the foundation of the world, but was manifest in these last times for you, Who by Him do believe in God, that raised Him up from the dead, and gave Him glory; that your faith and hope might be in God.'
    Thanks for the poem and its good message. Now I want to try my hand at haiku too! (Report) Reply

  • Malaya Roses (8/28/2010 8:04:00 AM)

    Sacrifice for God never at the same way of no-value life.
    Sacrifice can be so pure and it shall clean/ purify your intention of life because what we see today.... human try to be god and hurt each other for their benefits/profits/fame/wealth/power. (Report) Reply

  • Leonard Dabydeen (8/28/2010 4:54:00 AM)

    Omar... your poem will certainly take you to greater heights than the rigours of literary technicalities would like to control you in this journey. Although it is important to understand styles of poetry, just let your mind soar without needles pricking at you...and you'll be just fine. Many of our great poets did not arrive at the scene knowing how to do the catwalk. They just stepped on the podium...and walked the journey.
    I want to clasp my hands in prayer to Lord Shiva and ask 'O God almighty, '...'what then if life is so cheap' as I filter the wars, rumours of wars, floods and earthquakes and disasters everywhere as lives are lost...what then?
    Good poem for my alter. Thanks for sharing.

    Leonard Dabydeen (Report) Reply

  • R. H. Peat (8/26/2010 11:54:00 AM)

    Omar
    what you have written looks more like a Senryu which is more personal. A haiku form is an un-personal nature poem by definition. It also has seasonal word and cutting word as well. The cutting word is like a turning point or contrast or shifting to show two distinct parts within the intent of the lines. If it is at the end of the poem it acts like a closure on the poem. or a surprise opening at the beginning of the poem. The Haiku form is very explicit in Japan, like the English Sonnet is a very explicit form. One has to include all the characteristics of the form in order to call it a haiku it has to meet the requirements of a haiku. Many however think it is just 3 lines and 17 syllables of 5,7,5. This is not the case at all.

    Haiku, is a form of Japanese poetry, consisting of 17 moras (or on) , in three phrases of 5,7, and 5 moras respectively.[1] Although haiku are often stated to have 17 syllables, [2] this is inaccurate as syllables and moras are not the same. Haiku typically contain a kigo (seasonal reference) , and a kireji (cutting word) . In Japanese, haiku are traditionally printed in a single vertical line, while haiku in English often appear in three lines, to parallel the three phrases of Japanese haiku.[3] Previously called hokku, haiku was given its current name by the Japanese writer Masaoka Shiki at the end of the 19th century.

    More about the use of Kireji words

    Kireji (切 れ 字 lit. 'cutting word'?) is the term for a special category of words used in certain types of Japanese traditional poetry. It is regarded as a requirement in traditional haiku, as well as in the hokku, or opening verse, of both classical renga and its derivative renku (haikai no renga) . There is no exact equivalent of kireji in English, and its function can be difficult to define. It is said to supply structural support to the verse.[1] When placed at the end of a verse, it provides a dignified ending, concluding the verse with a heightened sense of closure. Used in the middle of a verse, it briefly cuts the stream of thought, indicating that the verse consists of two thoughts half independent of each other.[2] In such a position, it indicates a pause, both rhythmically and grammatically, and may lend an emotional flavour to the phrase preceding it.[3]

    example: Here both the Kireji and the kigo words are in the first line.

    Bleak— hot, dry summer
    I find a shinny button
    in my shirt pocket

    a poet friend
    RH Peat (Report) Reply

Read all 38 comments »

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