A Stab At The Heart Poem by Hiba H Zantout

With a stab at the heart,
That’s how it would start.
The pain, the anger, all would dart
To plunge in and kill, that is all I sought.

I could not see, I could not feel,
But pain and darkness in which I concealed
Her touch, her smile, her love, her looks,
All brought the rage residing deep within.

For months and months, I would feel her presence,
Killing me more and more with the passing seconds.
Until I could stand no more,
Until I could see nor feel but sore.
Losing what is mine was a deadly shot,
I lost my senses and all I got.

Day and night, I see her, I wait her
Her messages, her calls, to declare her love and desire
Day and night, I live with her
I live in fear of the moment you share

You are mine alone and I cannot share you
You are all I want and they won’t let me have you
I want you for me alone, away from everyone else
I fear the day you might be gone, even if it were eternal rest

I fear it all, I fear them all,
I fear that one day you’ll be gone.
Everyday I have to fight them all,
Family, friends and even them including her
I have to fight for the life we share
For the life they don’t want us to share

I can only feel rest in your arms
But they even take away that charm
It’s not a matter of trust; it’s a matter of fear.
It’s a matter of pain, which they won’t even let heal

I want you mine alone, but I have to share
I would share with friends and family, but not with her
I wish her gone, I wish her dead
With all her deeds and what she said

Every time I try to relax and be happy,
She comes in sounding so drippy
She offers what I can’t, what I don’t have
She and others; but I don’t have
It keeps me alert, it makes me weak
It makes me so angry I don’t know what I speak

I hate them all, I hate what they have
But most of all, I hate myself.
I hate my fear, I hate my anger
I hate my pain, it is like cancer.
It eats me away, its eats me inside,
It’s killing me deep and killing you hard.

My anger is dark, my pain is blind
It kills all in its way it finds
Even the love, even the trust
Even the moments in which we lust.

My hatred is strong, my revenge is bleak
My heart is bleeding making me meek
Submissive to the fear, dying from rage
Living in my own thorn cage.
Killing me, killing you,
Killing a love that is true.

I sought for a medicine
I looked for a solution
But such act is within me
Such anger is part of me
It can’t change, nor go away
I can only hide it, when I runaway

I need to go, to hide and calm
To rest my anger, my pain and harm
It won’t disappear, it will again peer
But it could decrease as the days seer
Just let us be lone, let us be free
From their pursuit, and their spree
Give me time and my pain will heal
Just keep them away, far and clear

Aug 28,2008