A Storm In My Mind Poem by Katie Anon

What is it that makes me want to avoid this world?
Escape into a world of nothingness
Or to hurt myself so much for just a moment of pleasure
Why are these thing I seem to treasure?

Sometimes the anguish inside is too much to bare
Or exhaustion is so strong I cannot fight it
Those times I understand my actions, I know the pain
And sometimes sleep is the only way to make it wain

But sometimes it is different, I just want these things
And I then I choose to do them despite the harm
This I struggle to forgive and great frustration I feel
For the harm I am doing to myself is very real

So the storm continues where I desperately try and change
But in the moments, be it of apathy or anguish
So I pick short term relief over my welfare
And I'll do it again and again I don't seem to care

I feel trapped by my own choices
I do not know how to change how I act
I know that the solution has to come from me
But not for searching, I cannot find a key

I look at the causes and only painful circles I see
For not being able to do things I need to do
Actually causes me great frustration and stress
And it makes me feel trapped, completely powerless

The feelings I feel also just go round and round
For apathy takes away my passions, the joy of life
Makes everything feel like an exhausting chore
Robs me of my energy to try anymore

Then the loneliness which cripples
And so I try and share myself with others
But so often the response saps my hope
For they say it is me that must learn a way to cope

The anguish is because I cannot see a way through
I feel trapped in this cyclone of emotion
I can see how why the storm is here
But I have no control on when the skies clear

And if they do, and the sun does come out
I can still see dark clouds that are always nearby
Formed by fears that I will always be alone and insecure
Knowing they always come back, scares me to my core