A Suicidal Note. Poem by Vizo Meyase

World gone cruel and selfish
Life grown tough,
Ego of self is but flown rough
Feelings are sadden
Soul despair losing apart…
Hear voices afar but echoed nearer:
Evils tempted mind;
Seraph whisper around
Not in mind, not in heart
Soul to forgo, I renounce self then!

A bullet on the left,
Gun on my right:
Fingers wrapped around the gun
Thrilled to pull the trigger towards
Yet on own forehead, down to ground
Along; the gun and me to fall at split-second
To the ground I fall, dead am I to you
A suicidal scene, scares you
Feared with the sites!
There you found my note I left,
Here it will be how you read…

"Meant not to break hearts
Reasons not you are that my heart broken?
The love you bestowed me beyond infinite
Love I return might not be divine?
Things taught me as well to all
Yet I relishes being in this world
Knowing you was…but, I learnt myself wrong
Erroneous that leaded me to sinned
A sin I committed that maketh you felt wrong too.
With you I learn to love the world;
Without you I hated not myself but give-up own soul
Your presence; a year felt just an instant
Yet absence of you a day feels like ever!

I got lost in a world outside
When I was walking alone…
I didn't thought I was far gone?
Yet Heaven knows! I realized lately.

Now I feel I can't hold my breath longer
Insanity conquered my broken heart
That now I couldn't hide nor buried
I haven't wish goodbye to yesterdays;
Moments and memories that we've treasured
But deep inside I'll live on with you
Wherever I reach or go;
There in my soul, your love and cares
Will be remembered and cherished! "

I understand how mad you are now
Your anger that I see when you read my write
I can even see you still love me mother!
And no one in the world could have done for me.
In your loving arms I'll sleep ceaselessly,
Oh! My soul cries seeing you crying
Foolishness now I'd call myself…
Forsake me not, forget me neither
Forgive me for what I've done wrong.

She reads, my heart bleeds;
Rainy day it'll be, though,
Wrote this note a sunny day,
Fleshes in one, but now remain a soul
Buried in the rain;
Man may say, ‘he died a rainy day! '
To a soul what'll it matter?
It just would wish not a suicidal dead?