When stillness
walked into the room
there was no need
to greet you
and when you left
and stillness stayed
there was no need
to say goodbye.
This one has a definite Rumi flavour to it. It leaves just the right taste on the tongue. Like baby bear's porridge. Another one for my studio wall, methinks. love, Allie ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥
Sometimes, as we all know, we pay no attention to things like form, meter, rhythm, and so what we end up producing is nothing more than an overflow of excess data that we pour on to a page, and there is, of course, nothing wrong with that. For purposes of technique, however, I find this to be just a tad clunky in a few places. I like its theme, but of course, that's not the exclusive purpose of poetry, is it? I would arrange it just ever so slightly... When stillness walked into the room there was no need to greet you when you left the room and stillness stayed, there was no need to say goodbye. IMO, this flows more effortlessly. Otherwise, the sentiment is nice, the theme, more universal than not, and overall, a return to the Shepherd I met all those years ago. 'Toodles.' **thanks for informing me of the ghastly typo...; -)
This is a good example of a poem 'boiled down to a crystal.' You left the beauty and the stark understanding. Nice job, Michael. Raynette
I visited. I enjoyed. Though that is not quite the right word. t x
This poem has not been translated into any other language yet.
I would like to translate this poem
How well you have expressed the sadness in that last stanza...there was no need to say goodbye...how very sad!