Mashiur Rahman

Rookie - 35 Points (Naogaon Bangladesh)

Absence


Love is transaction mind to mind

Absence of affectionate eyes
Absence of fascinating laugh
Absence of delicious tone

Sweet pain in indifferent-mind
to perceive alone in crowd
mind is also fickle and
going away
losing away
passing pleasure-less motion
aimlessly walking and moving

Mind would to like
to seek out quite place

What is that!
Pathetic cry with lender eyes
pull natural beauty
Green horizon, blue sky and bird song
row of tree in hill range
aside the moon upon the still sea

Submitted: Tuesday, May 08, 2012
Edited: Friday, November 08, 2013

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Poet's Notes about The Poem

Love is transaction

Comments about this poem (Absence by Mashiur Rahman )

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  • Silver Star - 9,657 Points Roseann Shawiak (3/5/2014 10:19:00 AM)

    Ideas and thoughts are good, they need to come alive with feelings and emotion. Your use of the word 'absence' would sound better if
    used only once, like: Absence of affectionate eyes, fascinating laugh, and delicious tone - then find a way to finish the sentence so it
    makes sense. I think the last stanza needs to be reworked, I'm not getting the essence of what you're actually saying. Try writing at
    least a poem a day, using a dictionary for spelling words correctly, and working with grammar and feelings, your poetry will definitely
    improve. Every time I write, if I'm not sure of spelling of a word, I use a dictionary and use a Thesaurus to make sure I'm using a word
    in the right context. Thank you for the wonderful comments you gave of my poetry, I greatly appreciate them. Looking forward to
    reading more of your poetry, you definitely have good thoughts behind your poems. RoseAnn (Report) Reply

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