Adieu! ! Poem by Shankaran Kutty

(This was written 72 hours after I bid adieu to one of the most loveable persons I have known in my life – my father in law, no my Father and my wife Priya’s biological father. In these lines I have tried to describe his last moments in his own words.)

I lie in the hospital bed, my wife
My daughter and her husband by my side
And playing nearby are my two grandchildren
Who are my love and my pride

I could hear their loud incessant chatter
Could hear them laugh and play
Their presence, the only silver lining
In my long hospital stay

There is a lot I want to say
But unable am I to speak
My voice has gone, each organ failing
Of mind and body, I feel weak

When was it, I spoke to them last
It was just yesterday night
Still many things I need to do
Now, I am filled with fright

“Son, go get some chocolate bars
Kit Kat, Twix or Crackle
Let them share, my little darlings
In their eyes, I want to see the sparkle”

It wasn’t said in a soft whisper
I thought I did shout
But try as I might, from my dried up lips
The words did never come out

My son, he held my arm so tight
In a grip so strong like a vice
I could hear him comfort my crying wife
With soothing words so nice

I still had some work to do
Work I had left half done
I had thought like my previous battles
This too could be easily won

I want to see my mother once
And hold her tiny frame to me
My little ones’ song, drama and dance
Once more I want to see

One more trip in my long blue car
With family to Sankhumukham beach
And buy roasted peanut packets for all
And sugar candy for kids each

“Appooppa”, I want to hear Meenu giggle
'Which side is your liver? ”
Then feel her snuggle right up to me
That feel, can I have forever?

Fights with Maanu, her sermons
Once more, can I hear?
Perhaps the chance is gone forever
My end, I can feel so near

I want to teach the secret recipe
Of spicy crab curry, my own
Sing nonsense songs to my grand children
They should celebrate my life, not death mourn

So far I faced my dreaded disease
With a lot of strength and fortitude
But now I can’t fight it anymore
Maddening, this solitude

Will fulfill God these dreams of mine
Just one day of good health
The strength in my body is on fast decline
So laboured becomes each breath

No medical force can further my life
Can someone remove my mask
For all the prayers of my wife and daughter
Just one more day, is all I ask

With each passing minute, my consciousness
Steadily, is on the wane
Doctors strive to revive my health
But I know all is in vain

“Anta.. Anta..” my wife screams
She pounds me on my chest
But even those screams do slowly fade
As on my chest she lay closely pressed.

My eyes are blurred and I see no one
A teardrop scorches my face
One by one my senses fail
As my decline gathers pace

Even my thoughts have dried, dreams dead
A blankness wraps the brain
Perhaps right now I go through a struggle
But I know not any pain

Flashes before in a streak of brilliance
A light from the heavenly star
Is it my final heavenly call
Time for my trip so far

Who is there to see me go
To heave a lonely sigh
To say “Ok.. Please come back soon”
No one to wave goodbye

Adieu my love, adieu my dear
For me, don’t shed a tear
For all your prayers and showers of love
I am one with the Lord above