Treasure Island

Chitresh Jhawar

(Jan.6,1994 / Lost in a lost place)

All I Needed Was A Tight HUG...!


The real one which I wrote:

From the onset of my life
where daily my soul cried
for a one who was mine
who would have asked if i was fine
is this enough?
for my life which is rough
from my infancy to now
I want only one thing from everyone but how?
after dealing every situation
after giving any reaction
after crying alone in bed
after being cursed and sad
after getting ready for school
after I was called a fool
after giving my exams
after solving the questions which were damned
after I was awaken hungry
after I was beaten lonely
after I was left alone
after I proposed you
after you said to me NO!
after I was embarrassed
after I was completely depressed
after I attempted suicide
after I was dead but somewhere still alive
All I needed from each one of you was a very very very tight
HUG...!



After reading some comments, I made the following changes for the word, 'after'.


From the onset of my life
where daily my soul cried
for a one who was mine
who would have asked if i was fine
is this enough?
for my life which is rough
from my infancy to now
i want only one thing from everyone but how?
-while dealing every situation
and giving any reaction
-when crying alone in bed
after being cursed and sad
-before getting ready for my school
-for no reason i was called a fool
-after giving my exams
and solving the questions which were damned
-when I was awaken hungry
-after I was beaten lonely
-when I was left alone
-after I proposed you
-on the moment you said to me NO!
-after I was embarrassed
making me completely depressed
-also when I was attempting suicide
and was dead but somewhere still alive
all I needed from each one of you was a very very very tight
HUG...!

Submitted: Tuesday, October 27, 2009
Edited: Friday, January 13, 2012

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Comments about this poem (All I Needed Was A Tight HUG...! by Chitresh Jhawar )

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  • Shadow Girl (7/3/2011 3:29:00 AM)

    another hug sent your way - ha ha u'll get claustrophobic! nice writing - keep at it - SG (Report) Reply

  • Jessy Villa (12/13/2010 7:51:00 PM)

    i love both of them to me there great sounds like a guy and me if you wana hear the story just ask (Report) Reply

  • Denise Bekker ~* The Sound *~ (8/6/2010 12:58:00 PM)

    Both poems are much the same, first one appeals to me more. Soul really cries out in the write. Much emotional and spiritual healing needed. Pray your heart be mended with a great big hug! Well expressed; D (Report) Reply

  • Briannaa Herman. (8/3/2010 1:01:00 PM)

    I prefer the first poem, but thats just my opinion. I do that in some of my poem also, that may be why, .
    I really like the passion with which you write, i can feel the emotion and pain behind this poem. good job! I enjoyed reading this. (Report) Reply

  • Ginna Yadav (8/1/2010 11:40:00 AM)

    Your poems are filled with great deal of passion which makes them worth reading... however the source of this passion in your life must be disturbing to you. If you are sad and unhappy... try to find a reason to that. We all commit mistakes... God knows I have not a bundle but an ocean full of them, but heck, so what? What's life without our set of sorrows; what are we to laugh on if they are not there? I am certain, you will find people who will understand you; have some faith. (Report) Reply

  • Kelii Rice (7/25/2010 9:47:00 AM)

    After life takes you down, when you stand back up sometimes you need a hug. Hugs make everything better! =) nice poem (Report) Reply

  • Omar Ibrahim (7/25/2010 5:35:00 AM)

    no i think the anaphoric one is better..that's my point of view..but i think as a poem writer you have to change 'u' to 'you'...and the 'very very very very' in the last verse can be changed to extremely or something like that because it isn't poetic.I found the poem beautiful and i'll go through the other poems..please read my 'forget me not'.
    thanks for sharing (Report) Reply

  • Jamie English (7/24/2010 6:56:00 PM)

    Hi
    There is no doubt in my mind that this is a masterpiece. I'm torn about which version I like better. Whilst the second is more grammatically correct it loses some of your style. Not only that but the use of the word after gives it a definitive structure and really brings the point across that again and again and again life just keeps shiting on you (Excuse my language!) By seeing the word over and over its like you are physically showing people this.

    Bravo A* look forward to more. (Report) Reply

  • Casey Geiger (5/21/2010 2:50:00 PM)

    I disargree with the other comments. I think the best part of this is the way you used the word after. I think it makes it distinct and original and it should force true poets to think. AFTER all isn't that what poetry is about. Analyze it deeper (Report) Reply

  • Gita Ashok (5/19/2010 7:14:00 AM)

    Enjoyed reading it. Though i must confess, the series of 'afters' made me get a little bit dizzy! ! ! (Report) Reply

  • Kieran J96 (5/18/2010 12:30:00 PM)

    nicely written poem. only thing is that i got lost with all the after's. other wise a great poem! (Report) Reply

  • Lalitha iyer (5/18/2010 8:52:00 AM)

    Hugging is very infectious my dear, it may lead to many other related diseases which would become chronic and incurable........... (Report) Reply

  • Kyra Skal (5/16/2010 4:44:00 PM)

    This is a cute poem, and I give you a hug. From one poem to another, I must say that the usage of texting words such as 'u' slightly ticks me off. Another, expand vocabulary. Other than that, good job; D! (Report) Reply

Read all 39 comments »

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