Ambivalence Poem by Dr Kamran Haider Bukhari

the day before yesterday
I was the same man but an idiot
who wanted to rise above the sky
who wanted to become a better fool

it was then an old beggar whispered
wisdom comes not by rise in status
serenity is never the need of riches
self realization can’t be achieved
even with billions of dollars
president of a state
might be the poorest person of all
having an empty-apathetic mind
and lost insight
what you are running after Kamran!
can never make you happy and wise

while walking back home
the words of that poor soul
kept on echoing in my mind
I had to pay the utility bills of this month
but I was thinking about self actualization
eyes of my lost mind were forcefully opened
when my wife asked
where have you been?
you know what time is it?
and look you came home empty handed
you didn’t even bring me matching shoes
my friend’s wedding is in couple of days
but you care for nothing

I heard her silently and ignored
went to my study room
locked the door then opened my diary
and wrote these words for none other than
myself

“I know not
whether I was made for a particular purpose
or just to fulfill the duties of a common man
but I know one thing
if I want to live content
then I can’t afford ambivalence
if I choose one
I would definitely lose the other
and if I choose both
I got to keep balance
betwixt the two”

I got what I needed to do
to mix oil with water