laura random

Are They Just Thoughts?

My life is a number game
Counting the calories
A game with the cruellest punishment
Never winning or losing
It was a battle lost from the start

Gaining weight isn't an option
The only path left is the one to death
I don't want help, but at the same time I do
What do I chose?
The anorexic thought, or mine

I only feel good on an empty stomach
A full stomach is forbidden
Cutting myself of, from everyone
No one can help until I want help
When will I have the courage to ask?

Crying when I have gained
Crying when I ate
Crying when I have not punished
Crying to everything except losing weight

Every time I lose weight,
The fatter I feel
Standing in front of the mirror
Poking and prodding at the fat that I think is there
When will this end?
Which path will it be?

Submitted: Sunday, October 07, 2012
Edited: Sunday, October 07, 2012
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Poet's Notes about The Poem

i am 13 and i am anorexic, i find it hard to eat 500 calories and if i do i cry and exercise until my body won't take it. I have to eat, but i can't handle it. Every time i lose weight i feel as if i have gained and that leads me into restricting more and exercising more.

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