Artist In The Nearest Tree Poem by Andrus Cassian

Artist in the ambulance
stare straight into the sun
I don't understand so
I'll go blind
Distant and wide-eyed
Written on the note I carry in my hands
'Nothing has changed
I'm nothing anyway'
I've always been nothing
I've had dreams to jump off a bridge
Knowing I'd just drown as I try to swim away
Dreams to jump off a building
But I'd be crushed as I'd try to stand on my own two feet
Dreams to know the feeling of losing an arm
Just mere curiosity
But what does it matter
What does it matter at all
Here I lay
A frozen daze, a trance-like state
I'm only here for one thing
Then to leave again
So please just end me
Shoot an arrow in me
A reverse cupid
Or rightfully hang me from the nearest tree
A martyr
I can't go on, I'm already gone
This can't go on, I'm so far away
Ten leagues into the burning glare of the sun