bri mar


'' As A Species You Are Way Too Austere '' - Poem by bri mar

The aliens have landed and to our surprise,
They are just like us not small with green eyes,
This is truly an awesome surprise,
They've assured us we have nothing to fear.

They went to our leaders for a conversation,
Which didn't exactly fill them with elation,
We argued over who was the leading nation,
The in fighting became very severe.

Instead of us giving them a welcome greeting,
We decided to have an internal meeting,
This started a debate about who was cheating,
Everyone was so insincere,

This was our visitors first impression,
Our leaders arguing in a violent session,
Seeing Humans filled with raw aggression,
Didn't exactly endear.

Who is in charge here the Aliens asked,
We need to know who has been tasked,
With getting your present problems unmasked,
As we stand it is not very clear.

Once again we Humans started to fight,
We were arguing about who was wrong or right,
The aliens concluded we were not very bright,
They said, ‘' Let's get the Hell out of here ‘'

We're sorry we're afraid, but we must look elsewhere,
Where we come from fighting is extremely rare,
For yourself and others you don't seem to care,

You really love to besmear.
From a neutral standpoint it has to be said,
You Human Beings are all off your head,
We are going to speak to the dolphins instead,


Poet's Notes about The Poem

‘' As A Species You Are Way Too Austere ‘'

Comments about '' As A Species You Are Way Too Austere '' by bri mar

  • Gold Star - 7,698 Points Bri Edwards (1/1/2014 3:14:00 PM)

    bri mar,
    i'm wondering if the last two stanzas are as you want them. it would seem to me that the line with which you start the last stanza should be the last line (the missing fourth line) of the second-to-last stanza. if that is so, it seems you are missing a fourth line in the last stanza. i have made a mistake similar to this [if it IS a mistake] before, to my amazement.

    We're sorry we're afraid, but we must look elsewhere,
    Where we come from fighting is extremely rare,
    For yourself and others you don't seem to care,

    You really love to besmear.
    From a neutral standpoint it has to be said,
    You Human Beings are all off your head,
    We are going to speak to the dolphins instead,

    might i suggest the last line be: NOT the football team; we don't drink beer?

    i liked, especially:
    The aliens concluded we were not very bright,
    They said, ‘' Let's get the Hell out of here ‘'

    it is an interesting (and i suppose also challenging) rhyme scheme, but the poem may suffer a bit because of it. i just wrote a poem last night about an alien visit.
    i found it interesting that, when i searched for bri mar, i found you in a poet list but not me, bri edwards. i did find me by searching for me under bri edwards subsequently.

    thanks for sharing. :) bri (me, not you) (Report) Reply

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Poem Submitted: Friday, October 5, 2012

Poem Edited: Friday, October 5, 2012


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