gina prettybrowneyes

As We Fall - Poem by gina prettybrowneyes

as we fall into the water
let us clasp our hands together

bright day is done,
black night has come

washing over our heads

an icy wind is blowing
grasp the liferaft we are throwing

we'll make it through, with one another
though our minds may start to sever

and float off into space

keep your head above black water
keep it steady, do not falter

we'll help you float, if you try to try
if we help each other, we cannot die

I know it seems absurd now

as we fall through frigid water
see the surf is getting harder

see the sad vieled moon that is not glowing
if we must survive, we must keep rowing

through the murky water

shadowed creatures grap our legs
wieghing them down, sinking like kegs

gasping for a breath of air
splashing in the witch's lair

NO! keep your head above the water

the sandy shore is not in sight
a sky, and in it, no shining light

this world we must survive
stay together as we dive

into dark & murky waters

Comments about As We Fall by gina prettybrowneyes

  • Rookie Sonya Florentino (8/4/2009 3:59:00 PM)

    LOL, you're taking about surviving math here? ... and I thought you were talking about life! let your pen flow! (Report) Reply

    0 person liked.
    0 person did not like.
  • Rookie Daniel Roxburgh (10/7/2006 5:55:00 PM)

    Very well done. I love your way with imagery - I can picture this cleary in my minds eye. As far as your spaces, I agree that it might help the pace a bit if you condense it into four line stanza's. However, it isn't absolutely neccessary; it works very well as is.

    My best,

    -Daniel (Report) Reply

  • Rookie - 3 Points Kyle Jones (9/28/2006 10:40:00 AM)

    Wah! Tragic Love Story!
    you have a way with imagery, you're awsome!
    Dark, deep, and touching...
    Just like me.XD
    hope to hear from you soon.
    Love, Kyle (Report) Reply

  • Rookie Heather Devlin (10/14/2005 6:33:00 PM) the writing. you're good. and ty for the comments on myne. (Report) Reply

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Poem Submitted: Monday, September 5, 2005

Poem Edited: Thursday, May 20, 2010

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