Assiduous Daydreamer Poem by Achim Wollscheid

i long for dreaming
long so much
i want my mental hands to touch
again, the pleasure wasn't there though
not then, so probably not now
what makes this lust so strong
it is my nature, it must be
i have to fight all the time
and it's winning over me
constantly...presently
ever slowly
where is my peace, i do not know
i seek it, but it is unfound
where is my decency
has it wandered, has it gone
don't know what makes my heart so heavy
no one's embracing words are whispered in my ears
there is nobody holding my hand
nobody is wiping away my desperate tears
but dreams allow me to generate someone
to touch, and for awhile, to love
and these are dreams i put nothing above
i can't stand it, it shouldn't be this hard
i'm making it harder than it has to be
to forget, I should just go to sleep
and not worry my spinning head
but what if thoughts threaten to keep me awake
what if the temptation is unbearable,
the devil whispers 'take it, take it'
i've been through with this
so many many times
i don't want to sleep, i don't want to close my eyes
nor do i want to stay awake
there's not much choices i can make
i just want to live in the now
there's no comfort lying in bed
and making decisions in my head
don't want to stay here thinking about this all
left and right, it amounts to nothing
sitting here only leads to nothing
i've decided it's so late, my head really aches
and my stomach follows closely behind
i'll turn all night to sleep if i can
in the morning, whatever happens will happen