At The Dentist Poem by Herbert Nehrlich

Today is it, it must be said, the man gets out his tools
he practices his silly skills on imbeciles and fools.
A pair of pliars, chisel, drill and hammer, forceps too,
two burly aides with cuffs and rope, I sit there saying BOO.
'No', says the man, 'you need to say not BOO but Ah-Ah-Ah
and open wider if you can, you may call on Allah,
though it's unlikely he will come and rescue you from me..
oh no, not now, we must proceed, it's later you can pee.

Last week we had a fellow here, he tricked us, found the loo
escaped, with pliars in his mouth, found later in the Zoo.
There is no need to be afraid, I 've done this once before
and afterward, you'll pay my bill, you also will be sore.

Now let me see, I had a plan, a blueprint of your teeth,
well, never mind, I do recall your name was Raymond Keith?
I'll pull, don't move, the lower ones, so if you want to speak
you do it now because you won't for one entire week.

The plate? What plate, oh yes I know, the man has fallen ill
I do suggest some patience Sir, and have you done your will?
You see, you may not need new teeth, acrylics they are called
a while ago, I lost a man, his wife was quite appalled!

They'd bought and paid for dentures, full, and he, the fellow croaked
it sems he might have swallowed wrong, in any case, he choked,
found partial during autopsy inside the gastric juice
I think they may have been a trifle old and loose.

They tried to pin the deed on me, I should have had a look
but my defense is simply this, I treat them by the book.
So, do relax, my friend, lean back, you are in brilliant hands
it's rare these days to find a man who truly understands

the intricate and complex tasks a dentist has to face, '
(turns to assistant :) 'write this down, a complicated case,
don't know how well this will pan out, but them's the bloody breaks
who knows, and would you care I ask, if all were eating steaks

and you would ask the Maitre D. to grind the meat for you
it's God who makes decisions here, Sir, are you turning blue?
It happens, it's the novocaine, it hits the ticker hard
and folks like you are predisposed, it's all the stored up lard,

oh that reminds me, if you should lose pounds to slim your gut,
it will affect your falsies too, and I shall see your butt
back here to have a bit more work, it's labelled a reline,
you see you shrink inside the jaws it's due to endocrine

and also genes, but not to fret, I'll help you through those years,
the worst a man can do with teeth is harbour crazy fears
of dentists (well, some are inept) , because you need to plan..
Oh yes, I understand but hey, you should be eating bran,

those Kellogg's flakes are way too hard, you'll likely ruin your bite
I say you follow what I say and things may turn out right.
So, talk is over, I am glad we had this little chat
just one more thing, I need to know, are you a Democrat?