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Doyen Lingua

Rookie - 282 Points (1991 - still breathing / Oregon)

Avalanche


The crystal mountain
The white tombstone

The surfing hills
like a lovers touch on a virgin snow.
The slight misstep of a squirrel fires the double-barrel shotgun.

The mountain grumbles baritone
carnivorous stampede
frost-bite jowls clench
fast as a camera flash-

It’s like falling into a cement truck,
salad-tossed rag-doll,
becoming straight jacket.
Smother-struggle continual.
You can’t dig out from the inside.

Submitted: Thursday, March 27, 2014

Topic of this poem: snow


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  • Bronze Star - 5,295 Points Daniel Brick (5/2/2014 9:14:00 AM)

    WOW Everything is collapsing in this poem. Are there any foundations left in the world at the end, or is it general collapse! Ibsen's early prayer BRAND about a minister who has lost his faith but not his job, finally says a prayer in the last scene, and then the avalanche falls and buries him. That's a very literal - and bitterly ironic - avalanche. I like the opening images of the crystal mountain becoming the white tombstone. The closing line suggests irreparable loss. (Report) Reply

  • Rookie Lilac Time (3/27/2014 2:01:00 PM)

    I really enjoyed reading this. I love how descriptive it is. The line about the squirrel is wonderful. To me it meant that it was being hunted and it got shot...not sure if that's what it was intended to mean but I like that because it makes me think of how everything we do is connected. Just one false step and the squirrel's life is over. I love the idea that every little thing we do in life leads to whatever happens to us...if the squirrel had just waited a second then nothing would of happened...but maybe there would of been a worse fate awaiting? I also like the surfing hills that imagery is great. I picture the hills flowing in surfing motion like waves in the ocean. (Report) Reply

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