'' Being A Politician Can't Be Beat ''
What does it take to be a politician?
Well your demeanour has to be cheesy,
Then you must make it your life's mission,
To be a cretin who is dishonest and sleazy.
Pretend to your constituents you really care,
Then put on an, ‘' I'm genuine ‘' façade,
Make it your duty to make voters aware,
When speaking for them you will not be afraid.
Any promises you make must always be kept,
At least make it look that way,
Any problems, under the carpet they're swept,
Make your constituents think they have a say.
No conscience allowed when you fail to deliver,
That's one you get used to quite quick,
Drink in subsidised bars while destroying your liver,
Then blame the electorate for making you sick.
When claiming expenses anything goes,
Pet food, a visit to the loo,
Every year our expense list grows,
That's just what politicians do.
Ask seasoned colleagues just what you can steal,
But don't ask them to put it in writing,
If you ever get caught they're out of the deal,
You'll have to do your own fighting.
Being at fault one always denies,
You must blame the lot before,
You'll soon get used to telling blatant lies,
Before long you'll be rotten to the core.
Keep in with big business they're also corrupt,
But they pay us to give them assistance,
When the time comes they go bankrupt,
We'll bail them out without any resistance.
As for reprisals, well there's none,
You can rob the taxpayer's blind,
While we're in here stealing money for fun,
Help for the taxpayers, is being declined.
We are part of tradition so keep up your end,
Mistresses and lovers are allowed,
That oath you took, well like marriage it can bend,
With immunity you are now endowed.
Failure you must learn comes as part of the job,
To M.P.s it becomes the norm in your life,
When the time finally comes for you to demob,
Your lump sum and pension does ease the strife.
Total self-delusion is the main thing in line,
Conquer that and the worlds at your feet,
Detach yourself from reality and you'll be fine,
‘' Being A Politician Can't Be Beat ‘'
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