Boku No Ai Poem by Hime Hiroda

Why does it always seem to end for me this way
Feeling such heart-wrenching longings day by day?
The sweet summer sun shone so bright for me earlier
But why could I not feel its usual warm caress
Or play with the winds that ruffle my dress?

I feel that behind this sly, deceptive mask
There’s a yearning so deep, like a bottomless flask;
I know I think I could never have been happier,
But still, something’s missing from this fragmented soul;
There’s a pitch black abyss - an emptiness, a hole.

I believe I have everything provided for:
Success, a loving family, and friends galore
And yet here in my heart lies a huge dark barrier
That makes me feel so empty inside,
All the joy for me seems restricted outside.

I see my peers having steaming encounters
Coming from youthful adventurous hearts that flounder;
Sometimes I wish that like them I’d be an adventurer,
But a stigma in my mind cautions me to hold back
This, to my confidant I said, is the courage I lack.

People seem to view me from a clear glass window
They see me gazing high and not stooping low.
Yet, here I am, with burdens getting heavier;
I wish they could feel that I’m not at all that brave
For I, too, am waiting for that someone who is to save.

I long to find a companion – my better half
Oh, it may seem so ludicrous you could just laugh;
But here, for this broken heart nothing is scarier
Than to go by myself and live in this wasted land
A cursed creature that has ‘loneliness’ for a brand.

I guess I could say that I could give up on ambition
Like an assassin who’s given up on a mission
All for a treasure found, a cause far worthier
Than all the ways and success that the world can give;
And that is to love – that's the true way to live.

I long to find that ‘someone just for me’
So that my heart and passions can run free
Finally, my soul can break that ominous barrier
That keeps me from soaring to the zenith’s heights,
That hinders me from reveling in pure delight.

I wish that these pains in my heart would cease
So that my soul would be given peace;
I believe that somehow, someday I’ll be happier
When I’ve lost all caution for I’ve given my heart for free,
When, at last I’ve found that man who’ll love me for me.