Now you left me for a girl
And made my world turn in a whirl
When I think of you I start to hate myself
Because now you're like a drug
You're bad for my health
When I see you in the mirror
I break the walls
And I'm taking this hard
I'm taking a long fall
I'm in a state of depression
I have this crazy obsession over you
And now I realize
I can't live without you
It has spirit to it. That's almost what I feel about my exboyfriend now
Its good, It has a depth to it. If you were going for feeling you have acheived your goal; however, your rhythm is off. Try fixing your gramatical structure, add commas, semicolons, ect. Without it it reads almost as if its a list opposed to a poem. Adding commas, ect. will creat pauses giving the reader a chance to absorb what you, the poet, is trying to say.
I really like this poem, just focus your thoughts a little more and you'll be greater because of it. You have a talent, feed that :) cheers
That was really good. You should keep writing becasue one day you will a great poet. Great job =)
touching. however im with crisa earley. it is very touching though.
This poem has not been translated into any other language yet.
I would like to translate this poem
awwwwww thts so cute and depressing a little bit but cute keep on writting i cant wait to read more