Caught By The Cold Callers (For Kev) Poem by Tony Jolley
Caught By The Cold Callers (For Kev)
Good evening,
May I speak to Mr Wells, please,
Mr, err, sorry, can't read the screen…
Mr … Krevin (?) Wells..?
Already you know
That he knows
You know
He doesn't know you.
It's about our new deal:
We're in your area, see,
And have double-glazing
On offer for free…
But sir must understand,
It's for this week only.
No thanks.
But it really is free,
Honestly…
Still 'no thanks', honestly.
Not even one window?
No weathered wood frames
Or need of some panes?
A new set of patio doors perhaps?
For the attic conversion, maybe a Velux?
I live in a brand new bungalow
That hasn't got a patio.
So, no-go:
No thanks…..
No.
No need to be like that, Krevin -
May I call you, Krevin, Krevin?
Or do you prefer Krev, Krevin?
Only trying to do my job, Krev
And earn a crust
As everyone must
Cold-calling's dire in these difficult days
… I take it there's no aquarium or greenhouse to glaze?
I can't possibly tell PH readers what I really say to cold callers. I knew a guy once who used to say to cold callers, 'hang on a minute...I'm just going to take something off the hob...' and leave the phone for a couple of hours! Thank you for the honour of appearing in one of your poetic opera... At least...I think it's an honour! ! !
don't it make you go grrrr though lol...I have the perfect way to get rid of them...I reply I don't speak Dutch and they go cos they don't speak english lol...fun hearing them say in perfect english no sorry I don't speak it though lol excellent write thank you....10++
This poem has not been translated into any other language yet.
I would like to translate this poem
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5/13/2024 6:45:08 PM # 1.0.0.1119
it is the phony familiarity that you have captured so beautifully in this clever piece, Tony. The 'nudge, nudge, wink wink' camaraderie that these hapless callers strive for (so unsuccessfully) that is so pathetic and such fun to parody. It's a gray day here with a sooty sky. Thanks for shining a little sun on my morning. Love, Allie ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥